Everyone keep saying there is more to my situation. I guess I am confused now. We were in counseling prior to this whole fantasy thing. So obviously there is more to my situation than just that. What you said about the control thing does make sense. Only because of some things from the past and also somethings he said during counseling. We were best friends for quite some time and then living together for about 3 years before getting married. Prior to him asking me to marry him we had talked about the whole marriage thing and both said we were happy the way things were just cohabitating, so lets not screw that up. We both had rocky marriages and breakups in our past. We both worked at the same company at the time, but I had a much higher position and had to go to San Diego on business frequently. I work in a male dominated industry so I was meeting with alot of men also away on business. There were a few other women but for the most part men. He would stay behind and had to take care of the kids, they were still very young then. We would meet during the day and go out at night for dinner and drinks. There was no need for him to worry, I loved him. There was a man that worked with me here that had shown quite a bit of interest in me even though I had none for him. On one particular trip, He had to also go for the meeting. This man was a supervisor above me. Well after returning a week later my H broke the rule and asked me to marry him. I thought he was joking at first because it was April fools day when I returned. But then here came the ring . I said yes of course because I did love him and we had been together for many years already happily. Now fast forward to present time several years later. We are in couselors office and She askes him about why he decided to ask me to marry. He said because I was a conquest. He hated that when I went away on business I did not have a ring on my finger and his last name. He needed everyone to know that I belonged to his so don't even try. WOW. I did not even know what to say or how to respond. I married him because I truly loved him. He was very good to me and the children. Not because I wanted to conquer him. That sounded like ownership to me, not marriage. I felt like the really great sports car that he just had to have, but now after years of driving you long for something else. Then a couple of nights later during our 15 talk therapy, out came the fantasy. I wish I truly understood my whole situation. I wish I knew how to summerize this whole thing better so everyone could understand, I guess I am not doing a very good job of that either. Like I said I am just lost sometimes. It is like I said before somedays we seem to take 3 steps forward and only 2 back. At least we are making slow progress. Then other days 2 steps forward and 3 back. No matter what we keep ending up in the same place. I get very discouraged and down on myself because I try so hard to give him the space he desires and everything else within reason because yes, I want my husband back. I love him and this is killing me somedays. I know, I know. I have read some great books and I know I may just have to move on for my own sanity, but it is so much easier to say it than to do it. I really am trying to find the strength to. I just don't know how.
Its not about getting what you want, its about wanting what you already have.
