Wow, That is a tough one. There have been so many I guess. Aside from this recent " fantasy " one. And that has been disturbing and unsettling. Not the fact he has that fantasy, the fact that he wanted to have me act this out for him. Most recently the most disturbing thing for me I guess is the fact that he gives me hope one day and then can take it away the very next. I guess I could understand that if we argued about anything, but we don't. I give him his space that he needs and try to do things for myself. But it seems like one day we are going the right direction and the next he is thinking about what if he would have gone the other direstion without me. He keeps quoting the Frost poem the road less traveled. I understand this. You sometimes do think back on your life and wonder what if. I am just the one who keeps on looking up the road I am traveling on wondering how to make my journey better. I don't want to turn back. I am not sure if any of that made sense. We are seeing a counselor. I can not tell you how well this is working since we have only gone a couple of times. Our next session is not until next Monday. And Chrissy, I understood what you said, the jealousy look in his eyes was not from me being with another man while he watches, It was I was enjoying myself without him there with my friends. Deep breath. I keep wondering what I am going to say tonight. In our 15 min. therapy. I hate going first, but it is my turn tonight. I hate walking in a room full of broken glass. I am being so careful where I step. It just feels like that. I keep thinking and that can be a problem. Deep sigh. Why does it just feel like everything has to be so complicated. I am just feeling like s*** right now. no other way to put it. This circus of my life Thas me doing backflips on a trapeze without a net. U did not even want to go to the circus but I am here. I guess I need the net?

Last edited by my_rollercoaster_ride; 09/20/05 11:41 PM.
Its not about getting what you want, its about wanting what you already have.