Hope your day is going well all things considered. I know you had a busy day at work the past to days. I hope that went well also.
Quote: I kept thinking about it last night and kept wondering if it was more about him wanting to have sex with another woman and if I would live out his fantasy it would be like saying it was okay for him too. I do believe that he has been faithful. But maybe he is looking for permission from me?
This may not be far off. I couldn't say for sure but I guess maybe it should not be ruled out. The only catch to it is the watching part.
Jak466
State Trooper: Do you feel this vehicle is safe for highway travel?
Del Griffith: Yes sir. Yes. Yes I do. I mean she may not look like much but she'll get you where you wanna go.
true... but I know he likes to watch porn sometimes as well so maybe it is like that? I don't know. Yeah, bit of a rough day. Long night and early mornings. Gotta love it. I have been doing this for so long you think I would get used to it after a while. Love my job, Love my job, Love my job.... Nope thats not working either. Just the paycheck. I have been reading alot of different posts on here and now I seem to be craving cheese. What does that mean? Well at least I have not lost my sense of humor.
Its not about getting what you want, its about wanting what you already have.
Thanks Lillie. I posted there too. I need all the advice I can get right now. I am thinking about changing out of the work clothes and going out to have a beer with a couple of friends. Maybe it would do him good if I wasn't here when he gets home. Maybe it would do me good just to get out. I so don't want to be going through any of this. I am sure nobody does. I keep wondering if there is life out there. I do think a little drive therapy in my car with the music turned up may be needed right now. With gas prices it is almost as expensive!
Its not about getting what you want, its about wanting what you already have.
I did and definately enjoyed myself. I forgot what it felt like to really enjoy myself. Had a few beers and talked and laughed and even heard a few good joke. My H called me when I was on my way out. Since I did not answer the home phone. I am always home after work. He had just picked up my stepson and was on his way home, wanted to know if he could pick me up something to eat since he was stopping to get something for himself and son. That was thoughtful. I just told him no but thanks for offering. He asked where I was since I did not answer the phone at home. Told him I was meeting a couple of friends for a beer and I would be home later. his reply was Oh? well okay then. When I got home about 9 I could see the old jealousy look in his eyes even though he did not say anything. We had our 15 minute therapy time and he was very quiet. He just said he had alot on his mind. I tryed to remain upbeat and positive. Very hard for me to do these days of doom and gloom. It just seems like we have repeats of the same conversations over and over again. He continues to completely baffle me. Am I going about all of this wrong? I did try posting on the midlife forum but I did not get any responses. I really need advice. I am just so unsure of everything right now.
Its not about getting what you want, its about wanting what you already have.
I think I am becoming more confused reading some of the other topics. Alot of them actually do relate to my situation. I am a HD and my husband is LD. Once every month or less. I would try to initiate and just get rejected time and again. He has since told me recently that he has problems with bouts of impotency. So if he can't he can't. After 2 years he told me this. Meanwhile I am feeling this way. Why would a man not seek medical help about this? I am beginning to think that some of our other M issues revolve around the lack of intimacy. Maybe even his whole fantasy crap revolves around this too. I know that I am not thinking 100% clearly right now. It is hard to see something when you dead in the middle of it and I have a tendacy to over analize everthing in my life. I think about everything. When I talk to my male friends about some of this, they even tell me he is crazy. That they have the same problem but with their W. Is it possible that the lack of intimacy has caused the emotionally distancing behavior with my H these past 2 years? We had a very active sex life prior to bad leg injury he had about 3 years ago. After that it seemed to go down hill. He recovered just fine even though he was in a full leg cast for quite a while and had months of physical therapy. I even took a leave from work when this happened just to help him adjust to the cast. Am I just barking at the wrong trees right now. Like I said, I do tend to need to find the what behind the why.
Its not about getting what you want, its about wanting what you already have.
This statement caught my attention I got home about 9 I could see the old jealousy look in his eyes even though he did not say anything.
Your H has jealosy issues yet wants to watch you have sex with another man. That really is a wierd dynamic. Your sitch it quit a puzzle. Hope you figure it out.
Roller, I sense the panic in your voice.... I know you feel that your world has been turned upside down and that you're questioning so many things from the recent and distant past. I feel that you're in the middle of a storm and things are just flying around your head-- like in The Wizard of Oz when the house got lifted up and everything was whirling around Dorothy's head. She didn't know where the house was going to come down, and when it did, she only knew one thing for sure: "We're not in Kansas anymore."
I would suggest for openers that you remind yourself that this sitch didn't develop overnight, and it's not going to be resolved overnight. That might relieve some of the urgency associated with feeling that you need to have answers now.
I know you're shaken to your core, but you will survive this. You're in free fall, and it's scary, but you will find your way out of this. Did you mention that y'all are seeing a counselor? Can you book in between sessions just for yourself so you can find some firm ground to stand on just for you?
One thing to remember: if you're feeling crazy, it's for a good reason. I feel that one of the reasons you're so unsettled is that in your gut you know you don't have all the facts. There's part of the picture that you are not seeing. I believe that's where the "crazy" feeling is coming from, apart from the general upset.
If you had to single out the one most disturbing and unsettling thing that you're having to deal with at the moment, what would it be? Just one.
Wow, That is a tough one. There have been so many I guess. Aside from this recent " fantasy " one. And that has been disturbing and unsettling. Not the fact he has that fantasy, the fact that he wanted to have me act this out for him. Most recently the most disturbing thing for me I guess is the fact that he gives me hope one day and then can take it away the very next. I guess I could understand that if we argued about anything, but we don't. I give him his space that he needs and try to do things for myself. But it seems like one day we are going the right direction and the next he is thinking about what if he would have gone the other direstion without me. He keeps quoting the Frost poem the road less traveled. I understand this. You sometimes do think back on your life and wonder what if. I am just the one who keeps on looking up the road I am traveling on wondering how to make my journey better. I don't want to turn back. I am not sure if any of that made sense. We are seeing a counselor. I can not tell you how well this is working since we have only gone a couple of times. Our next session is not until next Monday. And Chrissy, I understood what you said, the jealousy look in his eyes was not from me being with another man while he watches, It was I was enjoying myself without him there with my friends. Deep breath. I keep wondering what I am going to say tonight. In our 15 min. therapy. I hate going first, but it is my turn tonight. I hate walking in a room full of broken glass. I am being so careful where I step. It just feels like that. I keep thinking and that can be a problem. Deep sigh. Why does it just feel like everything has to be so complicated. I am just feeling like s*** right now. no other way to put it. This circus of my life Thas me doing backflips on a trapeze without a net. U did not even want to go to the circus but I am here. I guess I need the net?
Last edited by my_rollercoaster_ride; 09/20/0511:41 PM.
Its not about getting what you want, its about wanting what you already have.
