Maybe you can tell him lets take care of our other problems first and then if he still feels the need for you to have sex with another while he watches you can at least (if you are still willing which doesn't really seem to be the case) talk about it more then. Just get him to understand the issues are deeper than that and if he can show improvement, you can be more open to some things he may need. I would hope that if the other things straightened out, he would loose this fantasy.
Good luck and I'll be watching and maybe even get an email to ya.
Jak466
State Trooper: Do you feel this vehicle is safe for highway travel?
Del Griffith: Yes sir. Yes. Yes I do. I mean she may not look like much but she'll get you where you wanna go.
Thanks Jak. Hitting a pretty big low right now. I just sometimes wish I could figure this out. Last night was insane for me. My H is crazy. I am pretty sure. This whole mess scares the hell out of me. I sometimes think maybe it is just me, but then I realize that it is not right now. I am just trying to find strength to deal with this. I can not even believe my life has become this f'ed up.
Its not about getting what you want, its about wanting what you already have.
first time i read your thread. forgive me if i did not read everything, but from what i got, i would like to comment........ first, the whole fantasy thing is a big NO. why? because you dont feel comfortable with it, so if you do it, it will be the starting point of a f..... volcanoe for you and your M. after you do it, you will get angry and eventually mad at him, and you will see that it did not solve your M. it is just stupid. second, he maybe thinks that is the solution to your R? or that that will help some? it is not. you have to study what is wrong with your R, communication, unmet interests, needs, emotions.......that is the correct start. DONT GIVE IN.
Believe I am trying. If I did not love this man It would be so much easier. But I do and I am trying to do whatever I can to save our R. I know this will not help in my heart. However, he keeps insisting that it will. Last night scared me beyond belief. I know I am not okay with this. I love sex with my husband and I do wish it was more often, however I am not sure that this can possibly help. I am just afraid of what this will do to us and to me.My life sucks right now. I am trying to figure out how to deal with this and I am pretty sure I am dealing with it poorly.
Its not about getting what you want, its about wanting what you already have.
Be strong and keep venting here. There is so many good people with good advice. You know what you need to do...i this case, what you do not need to do. Smile, breathe, and believe in yourself. the poeple here will help keep you up
Jak466
State Trooper: Do you feel this vehicle is safe for highway travel?
Del Griffith: Yes sir. Yes. Yes I do. I mean she may not look like much but she'll get you where you wanna go.
Knowing is not making my life any easier at this moment. I just wish that I could understand this whole thing. Like I said, this is not the only issue. However I guess maybe it is a big one. I have to be able to look in the mirror and face myself each day. I am just very confused right now. I have just had a very bad day....I wish I could give him everything he wants, but I know that for me it feels wrong. I want to have sex with my husband and he just wants something completely different. I am open to alot of things. This is just the one thing that I really having problems with. I do not like feeling scared or afraid. Right now this whole mess is scaring me.
Its not about getting what you want, its about wanting what you already have.
ok, here it goes. i know you feel pressure, i know you love him, but you have to teach him a lesson...... read my sitch, from my perspective, i was not a good H until she dumped me....then i realized. your H knows you doubt and that you love him. be firm, consequences?? he will probably blame you, and try to separate maybe.. do it, separate, show him. i know it is so hard, but that is how i learned. you have to show him you are serious about this. look, do you really think your R will be better after you do that??? it is like saying to an 18 yr old girl that her life and relationships will be better if she has sex, oral and anal....... it is so stupid. you fear divorce, i know, and of course i can tell you this because i am already separated, i suffered so much, but it has made me a better person. study what is wrong with your R, be brutally honest, dont hide things about yoursel and him, write, read, and talk, maybe it will be difficult, but that is the way to solve your situation..........there is no other way. read the book!!!
I have read the book. Sometimes putting those things into action are very hard. I am trying. A little bit here and there but I still am having a hard time. It does feel hopeless sometimes and that is exactly what I don't want. I just wish this was a bad dream sometimes.
Its not about getting what you want, its about wanting what you already have.
i hear you, i understand, to me, i felt i was living a permanent nightmare, sometimes could not breathe....... i know it is hard to put into action all the theory, but be patient and try things. important, start a journal, that will remind you of things, and will help you plan and execute. i dont want to be an as....... but you haave to get rid of your fear of pain. maybe that is the lesson... be firm, it will hurt, but try it, that is growing up. it is like when you throw yourself into the swimming pool, but later on you enjoy swimming. please, i am not trying to wreck your marriage or encouraging you to be a revolutiionary, but i felt sad reading that you were vulnerable and being enticed into something i know will not help your R. i am no expert, these are personal opinions............
I am just hurting really bad right now. I don't know where to go and it seems like no matter what I do it does not matter. db, maybe you are right. I have to do this for myself. Hell I don't know right now. Lost is the only word I have for the way I feel. I know I am in a place I do not want to be. I just can't seem to figure out where that place is. My H apologized tonight for wht happened last night. I guess I am glad for that, but what if I would have done what he wanted? How would he feel now? I am so confused. I am trying so hard to save my marriage that I don't even know what the right thing to do is right now.
Its not about getting what you want, its about wanting what you already have.
