I've seen a few references to that book on here...I think I will order it, I won't hold my breath for H to read it though...not his thing. I think for now he is ok where we are, not sure it that will last forever though.
Anyway, had a good weekend overall but definitely came back with some ideas for my re-established goals. Many of them will be similar to my previous goals I'm sure; since I'm taking a step back I've noticed some things that I need to work on.
My #1 goal is to stop making everything about me! I don't mean that I'm selfish more about my H's moods.
To give a bit of background we went camping this weekend, we shared a cabin with BIL (H's brother) and SIL and SIL2 (H's sister) and BIL came up with there motor home and there friends came in there 5th wheel so there was alot of people. SIL3 (h's other sister) and her 2 daughters and grandson came and stayed one night as well.
Anyway, we were all out boating and snorkeling and such on Sat. We had told D7 that we would take her to see the springs after we checked it out first. It was getting late and we were both tired but she asked and I decided that I would take her even though H said he wasn't going to go...well S10 wanted to go and so did the other kids. I didn't plan on taking 6 kids with me but when H saw all the kids going he figured he better go to. Well he was pissed...which in turn pissed me off...I didn't feel like it was my fault that all the kids decided to tag along. So we get back to the cabin and after he was done grilling dinner everybody was hanging out by the fire and he kind of stayed away and went to bed early. The next morning we were on the deck and he went over to our friends site and I felt like he was avoiding me. Well, here's the kicker! After everybody else was gone he was fine and told me that he will never do anything like this again with SIL (brother's wife)! So, the moral of the story is not to ASSume that it's always about me. I wasted Sat. night and Sun. morning stewing about what a jerk he was being and that he is ruining our fun about something stupid that was over and it really had nothing to do with that at all!
SIL can be overbearing and he has said that in the past. SIL and I talk a lot and I know some of the issues that she is having with BIL and her son, but there is a time and a place and airing your dirty laundry in front of his family doesn't cut it. I learned that lesson the hard way years ago...caused H and SIL2 not to talk for a few months. SIL also takes every opportunity to talk to my H about what is "wrong" with his brother...not a good choice. She was also criticizing the way my H was grilling and is very negative in general....so H was avoiding HER, not me!
H can be critical about little things sometimes..the best example I can think of right now is things that I buy at the grocery store. That ham sucks, don't buy those kind of brats again...little stuff like that. Typically I will respond with a smart comment or tell him if he doesn't like it he can do it himself. From now on I am going to try to smile and agree and see how that works. In his defense however, he does realize now that he is doing it and will usually "fix" it. He did give me a compliment in front of everybody this weekend and said basically that I did a great job shopping and preparing for the trip. Later he was talking about that sucky ham and I bought and I generalized and said something like "I can't seem to get anything right" but then recanted and said that wasn't true because he did give me a compliment on my shopping!
OK, so for my goals:
1) stop personallizing H's moods 2) don't react negatively to H's criticisms 3) focus on the positives: (ie we are spending more time together both as a couple and as a family) 4) limit f around time on the computer 5) establish some sort of routine for house cleaning 6) take better care of myself (ie I'm staying up to late and have deviated from my bedtime routine)
So that is my rough draft...I will have to get more specific and detailed later.
But, if you've made it thru this rambling post I need some advice. We are supposed to be going back to Orlando this weekend. I know he really doesn't want to go but I really want him to. I am using the pretense that my friend is having a surprise party for her boyfriend (they are both are friends and we spent a lot of time together before the S) which she is. Any advise on how to handle this?
