It's a long story and I'll fill in later as I need to run, but after confronting wife with "make it better or let's split" she offered C.
Now, what are the general DB rules for this?
Tips?
Please help?
See my post for my general background here.
Thanks, wish me the best!
Do what you've always done, you'll get what you always got.
http://www.divorcebusting.com/ubbthreads/showflat.php?Cat=&Board=UBB24&Number=896649&fpart=&PHPSESSID=
Yes, you gotta take her up on it now, since she's agreed!
What to do? First, make sure you pick out a good C, if you haven't already. Of course, I would always recommend one of Michele's people, even if over the phone. I'm pretty sure they'd have no problem working with a couple.
No matter what C you choose, what goal(s) would you like to see come from the session(s)??
JJ
Read about Divorce Busting® Telephone Coaching here!
YES - I'm definitely wanting to take her up on this.
We're actually going to HER therapist - which I really don't care about who. It's more WHAT we get out of it.
I simply want to increase intamacy/fun/sex factor and quit having her act mad all the time.
Just don't know if there's tips on what to say, ask for, etc... while we're in there.
Tips?
Do what you've always done, you'll get what you always got.
http://www.divorcebusting.com/ubbthreads/showflat.php?Cat=&Board=UBB24&Number=896649&fpart=&PHPSESSID=
There really aren't any "tips" that I can give you. But my best advice would be...don't hold back. Obviously that doesn't mean you have to be mean/cruel about what you say. But say how you feel, how her behavior affects you...state what it is you need, what you want from your M...where you want it to go etc.
Since this C is willing to see both of you I might ask if he/she would be willing to see you for a couple of sessions on your own as well though. I mean...he/she has been seeing your wife one-on-one for a bit, this C needs to get to know you a bit too....and I think it's best done without the tension of your W sitting right there. That way you can feel free to say ANYTHING you need to say. Then, your C will be able to also ferrett out some of the real truth....and help guide both of you when you are in joint sessions.
I'm very nervous. I bet my wife could write my top 5 needs down in 19 seconds - she knows them. She's just not sure if she's willing to put in the effort.
I told her last week I'm sick of the gray zone, either be in this thing, or get out. We went from having a difficult summer that brought us closer and allowed us to solve problems, to her saying we're a million miles apart.
I said I'm sick of all this crap all the time. No marriage is perfect, no 2 people will have same views, but those marriages that thrive are where problems are resolved and each is respected. We already have that - but I think she holds every resentment against me just to prevent her from having to be intimate - which is a fear she's had her whole life.
I want this counselor to hear both sides and be the ref.
Either she needs to change, I need to change, or we need to quit. I'm just ready to break out of this 10 year stalemate.
Do what you've always done, you'll get what you always got.
http://www.divorcebusting.com/ubbthreads/showflat.php?Cat=&Board=UBB24&Number=896649&fpart=&PHPSESSID=
My guess is...you both need to change. And it will take time.
I really suggest you see if the C can see you for a couple of sessions on your own. You have quite a bit to get off your chest and a productive way to do that is through the C. Afterall, that's the person best equipped to help you both.
Be prepared for some hard work. And don't be afraid to ask the tough questions in the C's office. I've found that there are times it's better for me to say some of the things I'm thinking/feeling in the C's office with my H there...becaues then the C can help ensure that misunderstandings don't happen and the communication is clear.
