Quote: My wife came across the receipt for my $15 lunch with N. She asked me about it, and I told her what it was. She tore up the paper, threw it on the floor, and said, "this is what I think about that." Followed by a one hour tirade that alternately focused on what a selfish ba$tard I am, how she needs to get away from me, how stupid I am, why didn't I check with her before spending this money, how I am going to bankrupt her, what a bimbo N is, did she give me a BJ for the $15, how she's going to draw up the divorce papers, and...that was just the first two minutes.
Hairdog,
This is emotional abuse... period.
You just don't sound like the kind of bloke who would put up with that, and for the life of me I'm not sure why you do? Would you let a stranger lay you out over coals like this for an hour? Why then, would you let your wife???
It sounds like you have hit a nerve with her over N... jealousy perhaps?
She needs help for her anger management problems...
Quote: But there was no reasoning to be done last night.
or any other time. You cannot win this argument, so don't even try. It's not about money. You don't have to justify one darned thing, to yourself or to her. People spend money, life costs money.
The next time she invites you to jump in that pit and go at it with her WALK AWAY. Do not stick around and listen to insults. Just like I told my bf I wouldn't be under the same roof with him and alcohol.
I also agree with Mrs. NOP-- no more booze-- it's expensive!
Firstly, where is your discretionary spending? You work hard for your salary and only SHE gets to spend on fun things (wine, namely)?
Secondly, GET IN HER FACE.
Let her know that there is a HairLion in there somewhere and the days of her running the show and you're some shtick-y sidekick are GONE.
As you know, I have some MrsHD tendencies myself and nothing stops me in my tracks quicker and more effectively than when MrH gets in my face. I mean, I back down right away and instantly (inwardly, mind) start questioning my stance and whether I've gone too far.
I agree with you 100%. I used to think that only men would do the "Undress with their Eyes", but obviously HD women can have the sexual fantasy. My own LD wife has sad that women can easily have men friends and not get sexual. So from her perspective it is possible, but you, the HD female show that it is far more dangerous then LD women think.
The friend thing can be dangerous for LD partners too. What happens if that LD partner begins to see that friend as providing the missing emotional support that they were looking for etc... Research shows that LD people have affairs too albeit for different reasons.
Hairy,
Your W went too far with that one. Never mind sex, never mind the possibility of a lunchtime affair. What about the fact that in order to have a civil conversation, give and take about things, to be regarded as an adult you have to go to lunch with another woman? I would be more worried about that than the $15 and N's big boobs.
Does she make a lot more money than you do? Or are your incomes fairly equal?
I'm just curious where she got the idea that she can spend money on non-essentials (wine), but you have to justify every dollar you spend on lunch. The fact that she actually included the wine in her little rant about your crazy spending habits is hilarious, in an ironic sort of way. Ask her if the bottle cost more or less than $15.00.
Karen: the funny thing was, up until the moment she saw the receipt, we were getting along great. We were talking about and dealing with the other big threat in our lives: my ex. But that went out the window as soon as the lunch issue came up.
Paul: No, she makes about the same amount as I do. Her rationale about why she gets to spend on non-essentials (but wine is actually a line item of its own, separate from food and groceries) is that she is not responsible for our financial condition, I am. I know, it makes no sense, but neither does my acquiescence.
Its great you have a friend. Male or female emotional support does not always equal EA. It at times equals emotional support. Its up to you to keep it in that perspective.
Now your wife. Can you say jealous or what. But in her need to not appear jealous she fixated on the money. Little words like your girlfriend did she give you a blow job for that ect screams jealousy.
That said I am with everyone else in that you gotta stop taking her crap. But I say call BS to her little tiraide.
Send her a email listing just what you told us.
Mrs HD. After some thought and while you are of a clearer mind I would like to point out that though yes I did incur this amount of debt back in 2001. It was handled in this mannor and paid back in this manner. So this is no longer a issue As of our current debt I believe that it was brought on by a tax credit oversight and I can not be held responsible for that aspect as I do not file the taxes. Again the debt incurred on this date was a tax issue by additional income earned on your part. And after the tax credit we recieve for my children and there support equaled this amount. Again not a aspect of I am completely at fault for. But while thinking this over and the fact that our debt seems to amount more from tax oversights and misplanning I feel maybe we need to consult a professional tax adviser/accountant in the future to ensure our taxes are well thought out and we do not continue to run into these problems.
God if you do it post a copy to all of us so we can cheer for you.
Your wife is a piece of work. I at times can relate to her. That almost scares me. But please stop letting her disrespect and degrade you. The reason she does this is really irrelevant at this point what is relavent is stopping it.
Just my thoughts which are on sad level for you today. You seem to nice to deserve all this [censored]!
I would suggest, tonight, that wine be included with the groceries. It is something that you consume, and it is presumably bought at the grocery store, so why does it have its own line? Can we say JUSTIFICATION??
Budgets are indeed a good thing but any old good thing can turn into a bad thing, if taken too far.
Wine, for example.
Sorry to hammer on about that, but it gets my blood boiling that she treats you this way.
While standing in the shower and thinking of your sitch. I got to wondering this. You did ammend your tax return to include the tax credit for adoption right?
