Quote:

And she said, to the extent that you don't make enough to cover all of your responsibilities, you can borrow the money from me at prime rate.




Hairy,

It's starting to look like she considers you a 'client' at her 'emotional' bank. She lays down the rates, interest, and penalties for 'borrowing' from her emotional currency, then imposes penalties when you don't live up to your responsibilities of the 'loan', according to her guidelines. Problem being, you have no idea what the rates and interest are because they fluctuate according to how she is feeling that moment.

How can you even hope to come close if she keeps moving the target?



Quote:

"If you do that," she fired, "you'll have to use your own money. You'll probably have to get another job. If it's that important to you, fine, but you'll be giving up your time with the family so that you can afford your trysts."





Hairy, I'm so sorry this was her reaction to the statement you made about going outside the marriage to 'make yourself happy'.

It is painfully obvious to me that she is not plugged in to your marriage. If that is the best she could come up with as an arguement, then IMO, you need to see this for what it is. She is not fighting to improve things. She is trying to keep you moving forward within the same parameters so that she can remain in her comfort zone. This has nothing to do with you and your happiness, and all the BS about her feeling safe with you is just that... BS!

Hairy, pull the rug out from under her feet! Do something bold! Stay at a hotel overnight (alone if you must ) without a call and waltz in for breakfast in the morning. Then, play coy and tell her you gave her a 'heads up' already, and don't feel like discussing it any further. Do something to shake her foundations. Heaven help me, I feel like throttling her for you.

Hugs to you,

Jen