That was actually painful to read, Hairdog. Sorry. Now I'm going to try and give you some constructive criticism. We all know the saying, "we teach people how to treat us." Your W seems to be getting some positive reinforcement for doing what she wants to do, saying what she wants to say, etc. When she said going out to dinner was too expensive, you relented and stayed home. When she complained about the dog crap, you jumped right on that. When you put the romantic candles around the jacuzzi, she patted you on the head and told you she was going downstairs. You said "That's fine." It wasn't fine!!!! My H used to pull this stuff all the time and boy did the resentments build up. You vented here, "she is an utter failure." Why don't you TALK TO HER about how you have just about had it with her behavior. She needs to know, IN THE MOMENT. I understand you don't want to make things worse but in your case, I think things need to get worse before they get better. She rules the roost. She knows it, and I doubt she has very much respect for you frankly. She calls the shots because she gets away with it. You need to change before your R with your W will change Hairdog.
