hd, I'm going to cram your feet into these one-size-fits-all boots that I've been handing out to Lou and ZBube. How about if you just refuse to take ANY bait that she hands out? The core of the strategy is do not defend yourself, no matter what she says. You can apologize if it seems appropriate, but only once, and don't go overboard. Thus:
She: I'm still mad at how crappy you were to me last night. You: Oh? She: Yeah, I was having a bad day and you didn't show me one bit of sympathy. You: I'm sorry. She: You know, you want this marriage to be better, but you constantly drop the ball. You: Oh? She: And your lame apology doesn't make it right! You: Oh? She: Stop saying "Oh?"! You: I'm taking the kid(s) out Saturday night to celebrate. You're invited. She: As long as it's free. You: Oh? She: Your ex is probably going to siphon off all of your raise in increased child support You: Oh?
Gee, I may take up playwriting...
The key is no matter how much she sticks the cattle prod into your side, don't react. In these situations, think of her as the bully on the school bus who needles you every day, trying to pick a fight.
I would advise against stopping the MC. But I can certainly see YOU going on your own. If it's too expensive, cut back on the sessions. Go every other week or every third week or once a month-- but GO-- FOR YOU. I think you need someplace to go and talk to a sane person about your sitch (besides here, even though we ADORE you).
When it comes time for the next session, tell W you're going alone. That you've decided the money needs to be spent on the person who's planning on changing and clearly that's you, not her. And if she tries to get you to expand on that idea, go back to the "oh" responses.
If you go to her and say let's drop the C, we're not making any progress, that will be SOOO the opposite of a 180-- I guess it would be a "zero." What I mean is, that would be very predictable. She is dragging her feet because she WANTS you to propose y'all drop the C. Then later she can throw that up in your face forever: "Even MC couldn't help you get over yourself!"
But if you go on your own, that will be a 180, and besides you NEED a face-to-face friend to vent to.
My 2 cents.
Lil (who lives 113 miles from the sea wall in Corpus Christi )
