One of my W's clients gave her a gift last week. It was an Ipod Mini, with a bag of accessories. Sunday, she was playing with/cursing at it. I started to help her with it, but she got mad at it, and got mad towards me. I told her that I was going to be in the kitchen with DD4, and that I hoped she would be able to figure things out. Several times, she would yell out a question, but I just ignored her. One time, DD4 was looking at her as W was yelling at the computer. DD4 looked at me and asked me to go outside with her, which I did. Once outside, she said, "Mommy's really grumpy today, isn't she?" I said yes and said that sometimes people get that way when they are frustrated with "things" like computers. I could tell that she didn't want to go back inside, so we played outside for a while. By the time we went back inside, W had figured out whatever the problem was and was all bouyant and happy. It's like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.
Yesterday, she was talking about different music download sites, and podcasts, and how she'd called a cousin who knew a lot about music and computers. Last night, she was cursing at the computer again, saying it couldn't "find" her iPod. I suggested she get down on the floor and blow into the USB port because maybe it was dusty. She told me that she doubted that was the problem. She did it anyway. Two minutes later I hear her exclaim, "Whoooeee! It found it finally!"
This morning I woke up at the usual time, 5:00, did my usual stuff, and, at about 5:20 I heard the bathroom doors open, said "hi" to the dogs poking their heads into the shower, and, when I got out of the shower, I saw that the bathroom door was still open. (note: I close the door to keep the light from waking up W). I look, and no one is in bed. Hmm. I look downstairs and see that the light in the study is on.
After dressing, I walk downstairs and look in the study. She's there, with some music download site up on the screen on the computer. I walk over and ask what she's doing. She starts to tell me that she's sending her secretary a note about something, and I see that she's switched applications and is on her email.
H: Oh, I thought you were on a music site. W: I was looking at one, but I was working, too. H: So, do you like your new iPod? W: (aggravated) I don't want to talk about it right now. It's really frustrating. It's too sensitive.
I walked away to get ready to go to work and I heard her say something to me about whether I knew who sang some song....
I didn't respond. She said she didn't want to talk about it. I don't either. About five minutes later I came in to say goodbye. She had another music site up.
And I am left with this thought: When was the last time she woke up early to spend time with me? She complains to me that there is no time in her week to ML with me, yet she makes time for the things that are important to her.
As the title suggests, I am just venting, not looking for answers. I know what the answers are:be confident, be strong, GAL, don't be a wuss, etc.
