Journal Entry Wednesday, December 28, 2005 -- Post Christmas F/U Entry

The Christmas holiday was delightful. SO spent his holiday with his dad's family. His D15 is out of state visiting her maternal grandparents. He had a very nice time with them. He spent Christmas Eve cleaning and organizating his kitchen cupboards. This is a manifestation of his OCD stuff coming out in nesting behaviors, which is fine with me. I think this is something his C directed him toward earlier this year as a positive way to expend his energy.

I spent my Christmas Eve and Day at my mom's with my kids and grandbabies coming and going at their leisure. It was lovely. The baby boys are doing wonderfully. Tristan, now 6.5 months old, was able to rip the paper off of his gifts. Of course the paper held more interest for him than the gifts, but who cares? It was wonderful to see!

I returned late in the afternoon Christmas Day and SO and I had our own Christmas celebration. He grilled steaks which we shared with some salad on the side. We exchanged gifts and watched a movie and just had a lovely, quiet evening at home.

We each went our own ways the following day with errands and whatnot, coming together again in the evening. We did the same yesterday, though we spent more time together going out for a late lunch and then a matinee. We watched "Memoirs of a Geisha." Very touching movie, and we were both moved to tears (him more than me, a bit, I think).

Today I am back at work; he is celebrating Christmas with his mom's family and brothers. Tonight I will be at my own home getting caught up on laundry and such. We've a party we'll be attending on Friday with a good group of friends. NYE is a bit up in the air, and we may end up spending it quietly at home (nothing wrong with that...quite romantic, I think! ) And we've an Open House on the 2nd, and then back to work. I've a couple more parties for work and such coming up between now and the middle of the month. SO has some gigs for pvt parties coming up with his comedy troupe.

Things are going well. In the past I probably would have been upset about not spending all of Christmas together. But I have learned it's not about the specific day or time or even the specific activity. It's about being present in the present and not taking it for granted. The key is to try to make every day Christmas or Hanaukka or whatever you choose to celebrate. The holiday doesn't matter. Just celebrate the day, the present, and the wonderful people around you.

SO made a comment to me about a week ago that I seem much calmer than I used to. I believe he is right. The source of my calm is the confidence I feel. I no longer need to fret over being abandoned, by him or by anyone else. If someone in my life chooses to leave, then so be it. There is nothing I can do to stop them. But it doesn't have to be the end of the earth as I know it. I know I will be fine. Not only will I be fine, I will thrive.

Every Day a New Day