You mentioned before that SO and alcohol don't always go well together. You mentioned now that you maybe had too much vino at dinner. What about him?
As for the defensiveness, that's a reaction a lot of us would have. As much as you'd like the past to be past, the fact is it did happen, and it did happen between the two of you. There needs to be more letting go and forgiveness if it's going to stop rearing its head. You can't make him forgive, but you can continue working on yourself and the reactions his older "transgressions" still elicit in you.
It was lack of forgiveness that doomed my M. I told MC and STBXW that "STBXW never offers or accepts an apology." "Never" is of course an exaggeration, but that was a real issue in a lot of our M. Even those times when I apologized for something, and that probably wasn't often enough, it fell on deaf ears. Finding some way for each of you to forgive things you don't forget seems crucial to me.
(Sorry I missed your call the other night.)
Thanks,
K
My sitch More importantly, Light A Million Candles
