Thanks for weighing in, friends. It's good to get your feedback.
It's not that I feel violated by him having a blog/journal/whatever per se. My feelings are:
1) First and foremost, I was (notice past tense) upset and very disappointed about his lying. We both have discussed, ad nauseum in the past, how much we both abhorr dishonesty. So I was shocked to find out that he had been dishonest.
2) I was, and still am just a little, hurt that he would share those innermost feelings with another woman/women. This was an issue I had towards the end of our 1st R -- that he was being intellectually and emotionally intimate with other women and shutting me out.
Now then, his current blog, according to what he's told me, is not known by anyone he knows, so it's completely anonymous.
I completely respect that he needs his own space. This is something we've discussed on many occasions in the past 7 mos or so. (Martians need their caves, and I recognize when I need my space too.)
And yes, K, this BB immediately popped into my mind. No, I don't want SO to come here looking for my postings (although I don't think I've said anything that would be hurtful). This is my space; it's been my place go vent and grow and cry and moan and celebrate and mourn and move forward. So no, I don't begrudge him his space.
It's mostly about the dishonesty. But the bottom line is that I have complete control over how I act, or react. I choose not to be endlessly hurt by his dishonesty. It's a reflection on him, not me. And I also choose to honor his need for space and his own life, just as I honor my own.
One area I know that I need to work on here is slipping into the friend role. I need to be more agile with this, and learn to recognize sooner when I this is where I need to be. Or perhaps I just need to be better about incorporating it into all of my interactions w/SO.
