Wonkie!!!! Good to hear from you!

I'll try to answer your questions...

What made SO decide that you were "The One"?

I'm not sure, other than what I replied to Steve in my post above. He knew he didn't love the other women, and he knew he'd never been loved more tenderly, passionately or wholeheartedly than he was by me. These are qualities he values in a mate. I think the fact that we did a pretty good job rebuilding the friendship during the interim helped too. I had told him post bomb that he was the best friend I'd ever had and that I missed that. Eventually he came to realize that too. Interestingly enough, last week he introduced me as "his better half". I was shocked b/c that's not anything he ever would have said before. We've talked a lot in recent months about our yin and yang.

I think probably the one thing I've done that has made the most difference here is learning to agree with him (do I want to be right or do I want to be happy?).

What changed since SO's insistence that this R was so over when he dropped the bomb?

We've come up with a couple of ground rules about arguing, which was SO's biggest issue with our previous R (the conflict was just too much for him). We each contributed these rules and agreed to them.

#1 -- when either of us has an issue that we feel might be contentious but we need to discuss nevertheless, we ask the other person to "put their armor on". This allows the other person to get into a more objective place before the discussion continues. We may take as much time as we need to put on our armor, or we even have the option to say, "You know, I just sent my armor out to the cleaners and I won't get it back till Tuesday. Will you wait till then?"

#2 -- Humorously but seriously, we have agreed that if we MUST argue, we have to do it naked! I think I read this in DR. The point is that this helps keep the argument from escalating. We haven't had to use it yet, but we will, I'm sure, at some point. It is a way to deal with spontaneous arguments when we haven't had time for armor.

How did SO tell ex-OW that it was all over between them?

I don't know. I asked a bit, but he doesn't want to talk about b/c he says it's too painful. They were friends before, and he knows he hurt her, a lot. (She always knew he didn't love her, however, so it shouldn't have come as that big of a shock...shows her own insecurities and immaturity). I imagine he'll tell me some day, but I don't press him on it.

Does SO now know that the grass isn't greener on the other side?

ABSO-FREAKIN'-LUTELY! Doy! It just doesn't get any better than this (me) for him! I think he figured that out by a) having mediocre experiences with OW's, b) seeing/hearing me be more secure (yes, I actually had to tell him how great I was/am!), and c) realizing that other men were seeing how great and special I am too.

Does SO know that his perceived "unhappiness" was not because of you?

Specifically he has learned that the problems he has with his D15 don't have anything to do with me. She's kind of figured that out too, but still occasionally slams me. When she does that, he's sure to point out that the conflict still remains, even though I've been out of the picture for nearly a year.

Has SO worked through his issues that caused the bomb to fall in the first place?

I see this as an ongoing/lifelong process. He certainly still has issues, and he readily admits that. That is why we are NOT jumping right back into living together. Besides, I had already laid the law down to him before we started dating again that I would never live with another man without being married to him. Our plan right now is to wait until he gets D15 through high school, although he will probably propose some time in the interim. But we will not marry until she is out of the house.

Was it hard for SO to break things off with ex-OW? Fits and starts?

There were no fits and starts, other than within himself. As you have seen by the dates, there was some "overlap". Even before we ML, he knew he was falling back in love with me, pre HBomb. He just had to work up the nerve to get there, just as he did with me. He has admitted to me that it took him about 6 months to break up with me.

Is ex-OW truly out of the picture?

Absolutely. She found out a couple of weeks afterwards that we were seeing each other again (she drove by his house and saw my car there). She told him he was crazy. Right now, I don't believe she wants to have anything to do with him. Evenutally they may start talking again, but the clique they hung out in together has dissolved, so there won't be the ongoing, constant social activities (which were instigated mainly by her, btw).

How did SO move past the H-bomb incident?


I'm not sure. He'd have to answer this one. I can only share what he told me. He told me that he just can't stay mad at me and that he missed me. I believe the one thing I did that helped was to simultaneously go dark and give him the space to stop being mad. I haven't asked him because I don't want to remind him of my poor actions. Right now he's very big on putting the past behind us and focusing on the now and our future together.

Is this helpful?

Every Day a New Day