The following is my opinion and likely to aggravate you, make you defensive, start defending your actions and explain why the situation is or is not the way it is.
I consider you a friend, whether you wish this bestowed upon you, most of the restraining orders against me are still in effect. And I don't like to see you blinded to the reality.
You are deluding yourself. You are NOT divorced in your mind and have not acted as if you are divorced from her. Divorced people DO NOT call each other everyday or several times a day, invite each other to lunch, dinner, ice cream, to walk the dog, go to the park, show up univited to your house, have complete access to your house, do laundry, use your computer, clean your house, eat your snacks, let their children spend the night with you.
You are still convinced, (despite your giving yourself the "friends" and I know we are divorced speech) keeping her close and spending inordinate amounts of time together will ressurect the relationship.
You are deathly afraid of what happens if she gets out of your orbit. Afraid she will find someone else or something else to occupy her time; time she would not be spending with you.
There is honestly nothing to keep you guys connected. And you are afraid if any of that connection is severed.
You are, despite wanting to believe otherwise, impatient. But I also know you are good guy and I wonder if you really have convinced yourself you are over and divorced.
We want nothing but the best for everyone here and success stories and for us to be with the people we love, but I don't think you want to or can continue in the manner you are, "being friends" and holding onto your unspoken "fantasy."
