I have been trying to follow your sitch along with several others. It seems you are at a place I would like to be with my Ex H and I am working very hard to get there. How, may I ask did you get to the point where all of you went to a movei? My Ex would consider that a "date" and would not do it. There is OW and I don't know how much he tells her if and when we do see each other. We had dinner a week ago, and to be honest I don't know why or how he decided to do that. I enjoy my time with him, but I find if very difficult knowing there is someone else he is sharing his life with also. Julie
Saturday - she invited herself to your son's soccor game the morning after you have accepted you two are just friends
Sunday - walked dogs together in the day, went to movie together that evening
You crack me up..It is going to take awhile to get to used to this new dynamic. You say it like you have truly realized that it is finished. I am being a smart a$$--I know.
I haven't been following your posts that closely. I remember reading them a long time ago though. Back then even, you were having lots of interactions with spouse.
How long has it been since the bomb? Maybe I am way off base here because I haven't been following your story closely enough.
This is what I see. I see a women who may want a new relationship with you, but wants you to give her space and to stop pressuring her. It is definitely not hopeless. Someone who wanted a divorce would not be spending every day of the weekend with ex. They would want to forget about you. Plus, I think she would want to start to move back into the dating scene or find some kind of companionship. You can not do that if you are still involved with an ex. It would confuse the heck out of her.
Take this as an example. When I look back on my own situation, I see so many times I could have stopped my divorce if I would have known about DBing and given ex the space he wanted. About two months after divorce was filed, H would let me spend the night often. We would not have sex though. I'll get to that in a minute. During these overnight visits I would insist on talking about why he filed for divorce. He would say, "Can't we just sit and enjoy being together." I was so consumed with "why did you this to me" that I would never let him enjoy being with me. He would practically be begging me to shut up so he could learn to love me again. He would also let me sleep with him, but he would not have sex with me. I later read in an email that he sent to a female friend that he just had to much anger towards me to be able to have sex with me. I spent the night at his house often for a long time, but I eventually distanced myself and cut him off completely because he wasn't moving fast enough for me.
I think ex still has anger towards you that she is trying to handle. Again, how long has it been? It took about one year for my ex to feel comfortable to tell me that he definitely wanted to get back together again. Before that, he would tell me no every single time I asked. Today I don't ask--he just talks about our future "as if" it will happen.
Maybe I just don't know you or your story well enough. I could be dead wrong. I am just surprised that you are so sure you two will only be friends.
I do think you are putting too much pressure on her. Maybe telling yourself that you two will only be friends will allow you to give her the space she needs.
Also I know of two sets of couples who remarried. They both did it exactly 2.5 years after the divorce process began. One couple is my aunt and her husband, and the other couple is my best friend from highschool and her husband. These things take a long time.
Quote: Maybe I just don't know you or your story well enough. I could be dead wrong. I am just surprised that you are so sure you two will only be friends.
I do think you are putting too much pressure on her. Maybe telling yourself that you two will only be friends will allow you to give her the space she needs.
Too much pressure is right, on her and on me both. Pressure that I put on both of us. The friendship feels natural. I like being with her and I like being with her kids. I won't jeopardize that anymore with holding onto hope that it will be anything more than just friends getting together occasionally.
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
I'm glad you've gotten to this point. No, wait, that's not true. I think you're fooling yourself. I think you want to feel this way, but I really don't think this is how you feel. I've seen this in you my friend, this cycle. I want XW, I pressure XW, I get a little step forward, Oh wait, I back off XW, I just want to be friends with XW.
Stop it man. You love her. You want to be with her. Be her friend, cool. But don't deny how you really feel.
Okay, just me. And you know I'm insane right now, so take it for what you want or nothing at all. I don't mind. (Is it too early to start drinking?)
I have been following your thread and I haven't really responded but I want to give you my humble opinion for what it is worth. I personally would like to maintain a friendship with XH and I think that I could be happy with just a friendship. From what you say, I think you feel the same way; however, at times it seems that you want more. I am not sure if you will be happy with just a friendship and it seems that that is all your XW is willing to give. I may be way off the mark and if I offend you I apologize. Linda
Sometimes it pays to shut off the crazymaker and just relax. Seems like maybe the 'friend' status is doing that for you. Stay with that for a bit. Use the extra time/energy/peace on yourself and your Rs with your kids.
Meanwhile, XW will hopefully use the same space to work on herself/figure stuff out.
I agree with Bulldogr. She didn't verify that 'its over.' Let that be and focus on yourself. And enjoy that friendship with her, as if she's a new woman just blown in from out of town.
Tonight the boys and I are off to the Keith Urban concert. I not super big on him, but women are. Once I explained that to my oldest son he started taking an interest in the concert also.
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
Actually, I enjoy his music, finding it great for sing alongs and guitar strumming. The more upbeat songs are excellent for lifting my PMA. I think he even has a good song about reconciliation on his 'Golden Road' album.
(Is it too early to start drinking?)
Once I explained that to my oldest son he started taking an interest in the concert also.