Oh, I doubt you'll be terribly surprised. But what I'm surprised about is that you didn't make any comment about some of that incredible pressure I applied. Just magnify it 3 times and add in a little "okay, I'm sorry. I can smell the coffee. I've finally accepted that we are truly over" and you'll be on the right base.
Gotta get some kids to bed. I'll update tomorrow. Good night all.
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
Okay, I guess I can update, but I'm a little embarrassed about it. But I think I need to get my thoughts out there and solidify what I intend to do (yet again)
Okay, so Friday I initiated yet again. I called and chatted with her at work. Something was different and rather than ignoring it, I called her back after hanging up and asking if everything was okay. She just said she was tired and it was that time of the month. I asked if she wanted to get some supper.
We went out to eat together and she was still a little bit "off". I was fairly physical; rubbing her back, putting my arm around her, rubbing her arms because she was cold. I brought up the baby thing again (I know I know), primarily as an apology for putting that kind of pressure on her. She appeared fine with that...really when I've mentioned it she's appeared touched. Afterwards we went to a street fair. It was nice at the start and really most of the time. But I pushed it both physically and with some R talk. Finally she was at the point of "just don't". I didn't get angry at her or anything; just said "I'm sorry", but then just kind of headed for the car.
Her D and S were with me, staying the night, along with my youngest S. We saw her walking for her car when we were driving off and her daughter said "she looks sad" (I hadn't looked). So I called and asked her if she was and she said "well, I went to say goodbye and you were already half way down the street".
After a couple hours of being home I thought about things and decided I needed to drop the rope and just get my life in gear. I've held on for too long. So I called her up and said.."I'm sorry. I think it's time I grow up and realize the truth that we are over. Part of me has been figuring that we will be back together and it's time I face reality. I know I don't need a woman in my life, but that I want you in my life." I told her later in the convo that she had been sweet through all this and had been very patient with my physical stuff and excessive pressure. I told her I was done with the physical stuff and talking about us. That I accepted we were divorced and it was over. I'd be her friend.
Basically after that she indicated she would be by in the morning and wanted to go to my son's soccer game. We went to the street fair again after that and had a pleasant, relaxed time. We went to dinner again that night and had a really good time over supper. We just told stories of our childhood and everyone had a great time. So that was the end of the night with her. It feels much better just being friends.
Today she stopped by briefly and we walked the dog together. Don't know what else is in store. I haven't touched her at all, though she did initiate a hug last night after supper.
I meant it when I told her that I've accepted we are never going to be again. She really is very sweet and it's nice being around her even if it's just as friends. It will just take some time to get used to the new dynamic.
So that's my update. I think I'll focus on everyone else's situation and not mine. I don't think we're going to be a couple again. We'll be friends to the extent we're able.
You all take care. I'll check on your threads later.
Me
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
Alright, this is where I kick in with an observation.
AT LEAST, she didn't validate you about never getting together again. I reread your post to make sure and I didn't pick anything up that made me think she AGREED w/ you.
I think this is a perfect time to truly back off and give her some space b/c her seeming sad, being more distant at the fair, etc. makes me think that she had something on her mind. Maybe not your R, but something getting in the way. But, maybe, just maybe, she is wrestling w/ something regarding the two of you.
Anyway, you told her you were going to back off. It's time to show her you are man of your word and show some consistency. Drop the rope, but it's alright to keep some hope if you choose.
Welcome to Purgatory, my friend. I'll give you the tour as soon as I pry this pitchfork out of my a$$!
Quote: That I accepted we were divorced and it was over.
Quote: We went to the street fair again after that and had a pleasant, relaxed time. We went to dinner again that night and had a really good time over supper.
Bruce is the only person, out of the thousands who are involved in this community, capable of providing a complete dissertation using nothing but 2 quotes and 12 question marks.
Quote: So the truth be told, at this juncture, it doesn't really matter what anybody says?
What's to say? This whole time I've pushed for things that weren't there. What has been there is a friendship that she did as much to keep alive as I did. All I can say is that since I decided that friendship is enough, I've felt more relaxed. No real desire to push the envelope. Just enjoy being with her.
Tonight we all went to the movie. For once I wasn't putting my arm around her or fighting the desire to do so. No urge to hold her as we said goodbye; we just said bye.
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
You have a friend, then that's good. It sounds like a helluva lot better than many D stories turn out. And if anything ever would resurrect your M, it would begin with friendship or it would not be worthwhile.
Go with your gut.
Thanks,
K
My sitch More importantly, Light A Million Candles
