Another day, another thread, another chance

[Just_Me]

How do you know that she won't keep someone in the background (if only in her mind) as long as she knows that you will always be there? If that's enough for you that's fine. I would just think that after a certain period this would be an unhealthy way to live for both of you, and oh so unrewarding!

Thanks for the input Beth. That's where I'm struggling. I'm not fine with just this. I know I will reach my limit unless things move off this current status quo. And I don't want to have to compete with a fantasy or be the back-up plan.

Here's the main problem. I do want to foster the friendship. I think a good R has to start there. But then I have a paradoxical struggle with myself. On one hand I feel that the more positive interactions she has with me the more likely she is to fall back into/recognize love with me and the more likely it is that she'll shake free from OM or fantasy men. On the other hand, part of me argues as you said that she is staying at the periphery as long as she knows I'm safely still there for her. It's a tough choice. But...what if I look at it this way...If you were married or in a R with some guy, but kept having contact with some other guy that did provide things along your love line. In time you would feel out of love with your H or partner and fall in love with the OM. I see myself somewhat as the OM and whether she feels she's safely staying away from a R with me, before she knows it she'll be in love with me. Or am I deluding myself?

It's a tightrope for me. I don't know if complete detachment and darkness is right, but I'm unsure how much interaction with her is right. I know that if the dynamic stays this way rather than moving closer together, for my own good I'm going to need to truly move on. I do need to be sure I'm seeing to my needs as well and a life like this won't provide that.