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#540290 09/15/05 11:54 PM
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jak466 Offline OP
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Hey Mel, everybody,

I think I am really close to telling my X I can't do this anymore. I care too much and the feelings are too deep for me to play the "justs friends" game. I want to tell her she wanted someone who held her first in their life/heart and she had it. Even if she didn't see it. I was there. I am so unhappy with where I am at emotionally. I know saying nothing would be saying something but it is not my style. If it were, I could stop my emails to her to see how her day is going and B.S. like that. I have no patience.
I don't feel she is stringing me along as much as I am holding on to a dream.

I really want to vent but feel it would come out more like a turrets outbust (no offense meant to those who suffer) and break stuff. I do not think I have once, told my XW how pissed and dipleased I am with her over this. I begged and pleaded, cried, and reasoned .......

I feel like I need to be in a two week lock down to keep from doing something to reach her. I have gone 11 or 12 days a couple of times but I was busting.

I really have no reason to contact her so it makes it so much tougher than those here who have children.

Why can't she just wake up.


Jak466




State Trooper: Do you feel this vehicle is safe for highway travel?

Del Griffith: Yes sir. Yes. Yes I do. I mean she may not look like much but she'll get you where you wanna go.
#540291 09/16/05 04:21 AM
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Not sure. All I can tell you is that begging and pleading do not work. What works is for her to see you as a confident and positive person, strong, independent.

I am really close to telling my X I can't do this anymore

Don't tell her, just do it. If you just tell her that you're going to do something, it will not have the impact that showing her will have.

I don't feel she is stringing me along as much as I am holding on to a dream.

It's easier to hold on to the memories, the dream, than it is to feel the pain of rejection.

I really want to vent

Vent here

Why can't she just wake up.

It's not on our schedule, it's not even on her schedule. She will just "wake up" one day down the road. She may or may not be able to come to you then. She may be too ashamed to return to you, you may have moved on. One thing I can tell you is that if you still have feelings for her, don't get emotionally involved with another person. If she does wake up, you may find yourself in the difficult position of having to choose.

do you have my email? Check profile page.

Last edited by Mellanie; 09/16/05 04:28 AM.

Each experience in life has formed me, become part of me, made me stronger.
#540292 09/16/05 04:31 AM
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jak466 Offline OP
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Thanks mel,

I just needed some reasurrance on not doing a thing.

I can't make any promisses on not falling for someone although it does seem unlikely at this point but I will not put my complete life on hold for her. If I found another who made me feel special, I guess I would follow my heart. Like I was saying, I just can't do this anymore. I can't keep rippin the band-aide off waiting. If she does come back, I would have to see were I am at if with another I guess. But I have needs too.

The begging and pleading is what I did early on. Haven't relly done that just agrressively keeping in touch now. This is what I have to stop now.

I see you are up too. if you want to talk, call me. I am at work and up.



Jak466




State Trooper: Do you feel this vehicle is safe for highway travel?

Del Griffith: Yes sir. Yes. Yes I do. I mean she may not look like much but she'll get you where you wanna go.
#540293 09/16/05 04:43 AM
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Well, I was just reading some posts and heading to bed. Have a good night. Stay awake!


Each experience in life has formed me, become part of me, made me stronger.
#540294 09/16/05 12:25 PM
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Jak,

I agree with everything that Mellanie said and your own personal musings. Because of our hopes and expectations we feel that our Xs should act/react a certain way and when it doesn't happen we are surprised and disappointed. It's easier to think..."we were in love. Those feelings didn't just go away" than to try and get our minds around the fact that perhaps the feelings did go away or at least are so suppressed that only time, loving detachment, and focusing on our own improvements will bring them back. I know what you mean when you say "I can't do this anymore", but I doubt your X will. Her response will be "Do what? We aren't doing anything. We're being divorced." Being divorced really doesn't put us in a position to expect anything of our X.

While your heart belongs to your X, I think that getting to seriously involved with another woman is not real wise. But you'll have to play that one by ear. I can only say make the most of each interaction you do have with X, be as positive, happy and confident as possible, and give her the space and time to let go of residual animosities, regrets, hurts, and all the other accumulated baggage.

Now about this meeting up stuff. Minneapolis isn't a terrible drive. I'm up for meeting for a drink, etc some weekend.


In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years.
Abraham Lincoln

It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed.
Theodore Roosevelt

#540295 09/16/05 01:51 PM
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Hi jak,
Quote:

I know what you mean when you say "I can't do this anymore", but I doubt your X will. Her response will be "Do what? We aren't doing anything. We're being divorced." Being divorced really doesn't put us in a position to expect anything of our X.



La-esperanza makes a very good point here. The WAS' head isn't in the same place as yours. If you did say those things, it would probably be because you want a reaction from XW. You probably wouldn't get the one you wanted, anyway. I empathize with that feeling of having no control and just accepting that WAS will come back or they won't in their own time. We all want what we can't have but we have to decide to be happy w/o it or with other things. That's why GAL is so important.

Now...what's this?! Another Minnesotan? Julie?! Join the party...and you too la-esperanza!

Mel, where are you? I sent you an e-mail.

Take care jak - LR

#540296 09/16/05 02:46 PM
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I'm here.


Each experience in life has formed me, become part of me, made me stronger.
#540297 09/16/05 09:50 PM
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jak466 Offline OP
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Thank you all for your support. Wes, it is good to hear from you again. Been a while.
I know you are all right. That is what really hurts. It it hurts bad. There are still so many things that remind me of my XW. Dumb nothing things yet they are always there. I posted more on C4Cs post. I have to leave the library now. I am getting to many looks from the people around me.

Thank you all


Jak466




State Trooper: Do you feel this vehicle is safe for highway travel?

Del Griffith: Yes sir. Yes. Yes I do. I mean she may not look like much but she'll get you where you wanna go.
#540298 09/17/05 01:38 PM
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Hope you're doing better today (better than I am anyway! )


Each experience in life has formed me, become part of me, made me stronger.
#540299 09/17/05 02:13 PM
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jak466 Offline OP
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I am at work and we have had three runs already. Go figure.

I am glad to see you are up. Was thinking about calling ya just to hassle ya a bit

Still hopin to get some sack time before noon


Jak466




State Trooper: Do you feel this vehicle is safe for highway travel?

Del Griffith: Yes sir. Yes. Yes I do. I mean she may not look like much but she'll get you where you wanna go.
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