Quote: I'm also thinking that since he's not initiating sex, he might just have thought after he broke up with her, 'help - I don't want to be with Jo after all', or perhaps he just liked her sex better than mine and that's why he doesn't want to, because he would rather have it with her......Maybe on the other hand, I am just scared and thinking too much
Jo, Andy's sexual choice is his decision. You can second guess until you are 80. From what you post and the way I think (only my opinion and I am a little different, but generally normal) I would say your sexual style is good to keep Andy satisfied for many years.
I do see a reason for your mood swings, but maybe your stressors in life are showing through and making Andy to go slower this time. If Andy "thinks" you tend to run hot one day and cold the next day because you are on overload right now, that might be a reason for him to not jump in the R with both feet. And OW do take time to get over. On my primary forum, it took one woman 6 months to get over OM.
You said your are affected by the stress all of the kids fighting causes you to have. This has to show through in how you interact with the girls and Andy.
I am being hard on you, not because you are at fault and Andy is doing everything right, but to point out to you something that Andy might be thinking.
I am in business for myself and have no employees. Every once in a while I ask a customer what I do that irritates them or is there something I do or don't do that is a problem for them. I don't ask because I like to hear I am bad, but to hear what I need to improve. I also ask what the like about me.
Back to your sexuality or feelings of being wanted.
I would say most of the things you brought up recenty about not beeing good enough sexually are mostly you borrowing trouble. From what I can gather many guys would think you were hot if they had a chance to be with you. But even that is not the answer you should take. Only you know deep down inside what your sexual feelings are like. Andy can't determine that part of you.
If you were with the right sexual partner that you both considered and acted on each others needs and desires, a two way street, that is what your sexual potential really is. Kids, money problems, work, relatives can all lower this potential. You have many of the problems so have to expet something less than perfection.
With all of that said, I still agerr with you. It is very tough to be rejected by someone you want to love and respect you. BTDT. And it is difficult to not be able to experss those feelings and have them returned to you.
It seems like there are two sexual beings in us. The one we get to use and practice with (our physical results self) and the one we long to be if given a chance and are fortunate to find the right lover, time, place, and what ever it takes to be happy. What we get to work with is sometimes much less than what we would like to have.
Quote: Maybe on the other hand, I am just scared and thinking too much
Maybe you are Jo.
From your first post I saw a woman that had a 5 year? plan, then when things got going and Andy said he loved you, I say a woman that was on the fast track and wanted a R and a family in short order. These are just my observations and are not intended to be critical.
I would want what you want too, if I were in your shoes. I am suggesting you be firm with Andy but I always wished you could slow down a little, not for Andy, but for yourself, so you don't panic and get in an overload condition.
Jo, I really am trying to have your best interest in my heart when I post to you. I am not always aware of some feelings you might have so if I miss somethings, well I am not there, I am a guy and "try to see things from a gals POV" but miss some things. Listen to other women like Jill, she has been through this herself and has the female insight i don't have.
Anyway, you are loveable as a woman even though you are younger than my daughter. You know dads have daughters and I think good dads want their daughters to be loved by their H more than they want that person to be a daughter. It has to be that way. Any other way is selfish.
Here is hoping a better day comes your way, maybe only a little at a time. Baby steps Jo.
