Thanks for your positive thoughts about my R with him. I never thought of it as finding longevity beyond passion. That helps.
I can't work out how much of it is me being depressed or how much of it is him. I do get these dips where my mood just crashes. Certainly I am fed up and mistrustful of the up and down sitch and disolusioned by his hesitation.
My feeling is, he loves me and I love him and the kids want us to be together so what is the problem? He says I simplify the issue. I say he complicates it.
If I could believe he is truly being cautious and he still wants me, I wouldn't have a problem with waiting or DB'ing, but there is this part of me that doesn't believe him because of the four and a half months he led me along last time. If that hadn't happened, I would be happy now. As it is, now I am just scared, and not really willing to be led along for several more months just to be discarded in the end.
Maybe I will calm down or he might do something to concrete the sitch a bit more.
I know I hate feeling like this.
The friend I was supposed to see today, cancelled at the last minute so I've just been sending work emails all day and doing loads of laundry and drinking gallons of tea to take my mind off it.
My period is due on 25th September and I've made the decision to continue trying the egg donation so if it happens on that day I will be off to the clinic to learn how to mix up the second lot of drugs. I will try the injections and see whether these sort cause any side-effect. I was only in pain for 8 days last time and recovered so I will try it. Then it will about 12 days after that, until the operation.
