Quote: I can't carry on doing the 'back away' dance forever. At some point, I want a mature adult R. It's like he wants me, but never quite enough. He's never 100% sure, but sure enough that he doesn't want me to move on to another R with anyone else. To me, it feels like he wants to keep me without the commitment.
You've got it!!!! He wants to "control" you. I am wondering if he's capable of an adult R. A lot of the stuff you describe is very bully like and immature. He does the minimum to keep you hooked and once he's sure of you again, he backs off. "You" are the one that has the power to stop this because he'll continue to do it forever as long as you allow it.
I really feel I need counselling about what happened with my kids because I feel I am not going to be able to move forward in my R with them until I come to terms with the fact that I lost them.
I agree, Jo. This could also help give you tools to stop or at least not react to his behavior.
Also, you seems calmer, happier and much more centered when you have little interaction with him.
