It just got worse through the day

I really CAN'T do this. I'm still crying and it's 8 o clock at night.

The kids fought all day and then DD1 hit DD2 really hard so I shouted at her to get out of my sight and she spent half the afternoon sulking in DD4's bedroom.

These other kids came and robbed me of DD4's toys which were in the garden and that had me in tears too. The bastards!!!

Andy text me 'is everything okay?' in response to my earlier text and to start with I didn't reply, because I feel so awful and so upset I felt like texting 'yeah I'm turning cartwheels' but instead I just text 'fine'.

Fine really means 'Fracticiously Incapable of Normal Emotion.

I don't have one ounce of strength left. I cannot make my family work, I cannot make him work, I cannot be a mother to these kids like this, I can't even see the screen properly.

Andy turned up but stayed outside because I hinted at it in the earlier text and I just handed over the kids and said nothing. He said
'You look really..'
and was going to say upset, but then stopped and just looked at me awkward. He said
'Thanks for looking after them, I appreciate it.'
I nodded and then he went.

Then DD4 was whining at me so I ended up yelling at her and then she heard me crying so she shouted from her bedroom
'What's the matter, mummy?'
and now I feel even more guilty.

I can't go on in this situation, I just can't, I just can't. They've messed up the house and I'm too upset to tidy, I've got to answer the helpline and answer my messages tomorrow, I'm supposed to be posting orders and taking DD4 to nursery school and I don't want to go out

I will never be the mother he wants me to be, or the wife. I am not good enough for any of them because if I was I wouldn't have to listen to anymore excuses. I'm too tired, it's been too long and I just sick of being f**ked around and used and we all know that's what he's doing - using me.

He wants my time and my friendship etc and for me to rescue him with the kids when he's got no one, but oh no, he won't put a damn thing into this himself. I'm sick of his BS, of his emotions, of always being the one to put up with stuff when he wants it and I just feel like I'm going crazy here...