I don't think you understand, there are some physical things that you simply don't FIX.
Some physical changes are simply true changes to the womans' body. There are some medications women can try...my mother has tried some, but they haven't helped. Sometimes the changes in a woman's body affect her permanently, sometimes not.
When I read your post I thought..."he seems to view her like she's broken and needs fixing". CeMar, "if" the changes her body has gone through have affected her SD, "if" those changes truly are physiological....don't view her as something that needs to be "fixed"...that's insulting (if that's what you are doing).
If the changes are due to problems in your R, and I suspect part of them are due to a HUGE lack of communication and honesty...then YOU are duty-bound to start communicating with your W, or NOTHING will improve. She will not just suddenly wake up one morning and go back towards the woman you want her to be....unless you start being honest with her about what you want and how you feel.
I'm still waiting to hear what you've addressed with her and how you've addressed these issues. Have you talked to her about them and asked to go with her to talk to her Dr.? If not, why?
If you can't start sharing with us what you've tried, said, done (besides reading books on your own)...you've got to start expecting we aren't going to be able to give you a magic answer to your issues. Why is it you won't share with us ANY conversations you've had with your W? Based on your past posts...I don't think you will ever share with us what you've tried/done...because personally, I've come to the conclusion that you haven't done anything other than read books and look for fault in your W....you've avoided actually talking to her....just like you avoid disclosing info to us.
All woman have a problem with aging to a degree even those who are doing so gracefully. It is not all based on vanity. My grams had a problem with it because she was afraid of death and aging leads you closer down that path. You easily pointed out some things that have changed about your wife. Odd I have the same things going on. And I do not like the sagging skin on the underarms. And it bothers me more then a wrinkle or gray hair.
I worked with about 400 woman in my last job we talked about sex alot. 95% of the woman I talked to over 30-35 would state that they did not like sex if they were in a long term relationship. Oddly those that were not in a long term relationship talked sex starve wanna jump anyones bones. Of all the friends I have had in my adult life I only can think of 3 that had high drives. One does ecstacy regularly. One was not married and had not had sex in 7 years so when she finally hooked up was rampant and ready to go when ever. And the other is so desperate to have a man she thinks sex is the answer. So though there are HD woman on this board I do not think there is enough of us on this board to get a clear indication of what would be considered normal vs abnormal in a womans sex drive.
And also CeMar it is easy to be labled HD if your sex drive is somewhat higher then your spouses. If you want sex once a month and your spouse wants it once a year you are the HD and they are the LD in a relationship. But in truth neither of you have a high drive. In your next relationship you may still want sex once a month and your partner want it twice a month now you have become the LD instead of the HD. So again the lables are not a basis of anything more then saying who wants it more often in our relationship as we post on this board it is not a true medical diagnosis of someones sexual state.
The decline in your wifes sexual desire may be based on a lot of things. Medical,self image, dissatisfaction in the relationship/life just to name a few. Or a combination of more then one.
And since none of us here can draw you out to really say the state of your marriage as a whole. None of us here will ever be able to give you any type of encouragement or advice as to what may help your sitch. We are just making stabs in the dark.
Here are a few easy questions Cemar
1. Do you and your wife talk about your relationship? 2. Have you ever asked your wife if she is happy as a whole within your relationship? 3. Do you and your wife talk about the future. What you plan to do once the kids are grown and gone. IE places you would like to go together, Where you want to live, What kind of house you would like to retire to.
Simple questions. If you do not have any answers for them maybe it is time to get your mind out of the bedroom and into the relationship. And get to know your wife better show some interest in her. You never know where that will lead.
Quote: I worked with about 400 woman in my last job we talked about sex alot. 95% of the woman I talked to over 30-35 would state that they did not like sex if they were in a long term relationship.
Bummer to us hopeful guys.
What was your take on women and sex, in the 55 to 65 range. Did any like sex with their H? Now for the long shot. What about, women with hot flashes, alergies, post breast cancer, over weight, tired most of the time, with lots of pets, that like to shop and eat out, easily feel slighted by people, are picky, have an Eeyore attitude, a card carrying "Co-Dependent No More" advocate, don't like going out in public much? Add the H is over weight and not organized to boot. I said it was a long shot!
Sounds like Sex for One" or "The Joy of MB" are about my most productive options.
I wish you luck here. You are saying the same thing many of us have already said to CeMar. You do have some interesting info though that perhaps some of us haven't said...maybe that will make the difference.
Wow. If you are right, that women over the age of 35 for the most part don't want sex, then life truely sucks. I was wondering if the HD women on here were common or if they were freaks of nature. How are men supposed to be happy in life when 95% of the possible mates out there have little interest in sex?
This is one reason I don't get divorced, are there really any HD women out there.
Do I talk to my wife about the relationship, rarely. I have tried explaining what my needs are and she is CLUELESS about HD, she thinks it is just about sex. I have not found the magical words that would help her to understand.
Is she happy with the relationship, no. She is not "IN LOVE" with me, and I am not "In LOVE" with her. When two people don't meet each others needs, it is impossible to be "In Love".
As for the future, we both have said that it is unlikely we will stay together after the kids leave home. What would be the point? Without sex and affection, you can only be roomates. That is what I don't understand about the LD perspective on marriage, your just roomates and how would that be considered a successful marriage.
That is the most information on your R you have ever given us. If you rarely talk about your R w/your W (who let me remind you you are inthe R with) you won't get anywhere fast.
If you go round and round talking about HD/LD and don't speak bluntly or talk about your "FEELINGS" and how you are affected...you will get nowhere.
HD/LD as Chrissy and others have mentioned is relative CeMar. I may not be HD to anyone other than my H. I probably wouldn't be HD to you (am I still a freak of nature?). Yes, I may have a decent SD right now....but I cannot guarantee it will stay that way as I get older.
You do realize don't you that Chrissy didn't tell you how many women out of those 400 she actually spoke about this with to base her 95% on don't you? So you are assuming that only 20 out of 400 women have a decent SD. I'm guessing that Chrissy probably didn't talk to all 400 women...so her basis for the percentage comes from a much much smaller sampling.
I, for one, as I've mentioned before have my closests friends (3 in fact...who have the same HD SD I have, at least we have a similar SD...which for us means we would like to have sex at least once per week, possibly more ok...now that's just us). So for for me, out of the women I would talk to about this....100% of us are HD in comparison to our H's.
Your percentages are skewed, yet you easily accept them.
I cannot tell you how offended I was by your last post...you just reached a new low for me. I really hope you were joking....GRRRRRRRRRRR!
Suave is probably not one of the words I'd be using right now to describe CeMar. What he doesn't seem to realize is....with his attitude, if he were to D and seek out someone else, he's not likely to attract HD women either.
CeMar It does not matter what the percentages are, only how it is between you and your W. Does it really matter how many women 35-45 or whatever consider themselves HD? I'm HD. In fact, I would consider all of my close women friends HD as well. And you may recall my post on my friend/neighbor right next door to me who comes home for "lunch" with her H. They have sex at least once a day she claims. There are plenty of HD women out there, well over age 35 in fact. There are also plenty of women who are LD. Let's not make generalizations and comments about who are the "freaks" etc. No one is a freak. There is a spectrum of sexual desire in women just as there are in men. Stereotyping people, your W especially, will get you no where fast. Was glad to see you shared so much in the last post though. Your statment that you "both have said" you will stay together until the kids leave home speaks volumes. You both seem emotionally checked out of this R and are just in complaint mode at this point. No?
