It's actually funny to me that you mention how we women twist men's words around, and I will agree...that does sometimes happen, just as men sometimes twist ours. It's part of the gender differences....we hear/communicate differently.
This is something I've had to teach my H. I am a woman who truly does want honesty. If I ask my H if my butt looks big in these pants....he darned well better tell me if it does...I don't want to be wearing them out if they make my rear look larger than it is in reality LOL. See, when I (just one woman speaking here) ask a question like that...I'm not fishing for a compliment, I am actually looking for his honest opinion on what I'm wearing.
It's taken time but he's learned that with me anyway...I value that type of honesty. He's stuck his neck out a few times lately to give me his honest opinion when I've asked....and I've really appreciated it. As I explained to him in the C's office one day....when I ask you for your opinion on something I need to be able to trust that you, the person I'm the closest to, will always tell me the truth. No, I may not always like what I hear...but I will know you were honest with me, and for me that is VERY important.
Now, I know I'm not like all women on this. Some women do fish for compliments. Just wanted you to know though, that there are those of us out there who really do want an honest answer when you are asked what you think is a loaded question
Quote: Maybe you will stop filtering your H's so much when he says something like - Where did you get those pants.
BTDT
Re GEL
Quote: I will agree...that does sometimes happen, just as men sometimes twist ours. It's part of the gender differences....we hear/communicate differently.
How about people differences and gender differences?
RE GEL
Quote: I am a woman who truly does want honesty. If I ask my H if my butt looks big in these pants....he darned well better tell me if it does.
I want honesty too and think it makes the R more meaningful.
My danger flag goes up when I hear this. Maybe because it has not usually worked in the past.
Your situation may be different and I say that is good.
Quote: If a woman asks me if 'these pants make my butt look FAT', I tell her straight away--Its not the pants.
LOLOL
Oh man, this is hilarious.
I am not a Does this make me look fat woman, either. I have a pretty good eye (better than my H's, I'm sure) at knowing whether something looks good on me or not. I mean, if ya gotta ask.......you pretty much already know the answer.
My H is a total crackup and that's something he'd say, Blackie. Of course, he'd be going for the joke, but he's not adverse to making me the butt of the joke if it's especially funny. This doesn't bother me and many times him and I have cracked up over just such a comment.
Once when I was pregnant, he held up a pair of my white maternity underwear and asked if I cut the sleeves off his t-shirt. I said no, why? He said (holding up the drawers) Well here is my t-shirt but there aren't any sleeves! and then proceeded to crack up. (cause my drawers were so big--as all maternity undies are) Jerk.
You definitely gotta know...I'm not the type of a woman who is going to ask a loaded question like "does my butt look fat in this?"....my point to my H was more of I need to know that should I ask you a question, any question, I can rely on your honestly. Why? Because he's been conditioned to say what he thinks I want to hear.
That's more my point in using that as an illustration. For us our honesty is really improving, and it's one of the things improving our R. He's becoming more secure with the fact that I'm not going to twist things conviently to suit my needs...or to lash out at him.
When I posted the thread a while back entitled "Does this make me look fat?" one of the guys on the board-- I can't remember who-- gave the perfect answer to that question: "Honey, I think that outfit complements your figure perfectly!"
I have to say that you've got a very 'interesting' POV! LOL!
Quote: I am trying to give the guys insight into a girls mind so they can be attractive from her perspectivem , not theirs.
I'm curious to know how you acquired all this female perspective and understanding? You certainly didn't sound like you wanted to have a female give you the thumbs up/down on your thinking on one of my posts, nor did you care if you appealed to women at all(another comment to me)!
Quote: The squeals of indignation and outrage coming from you teriffically intelligent girls is music to my soul. I really really dig smart chicks. and really dig pulling there chains
I'm starting to think this is what you're all about my friend! Yankin' chains, double meanings that you're all too eager to prove you meant it THIS way, not the way we WOMEN are taking it. When do we get to meet the real you?
And then I thought, are you and Cemar one in the same? You've got my spider senses tingling!
I am trying to give the guys insight into a girls mind so they can be attractive from her perspectivem, not theirs. , and use there sitch to give specifics.
It never fails when I am working with a guy and say something to him ,unfiltered and ungaurded and irritating to you girls that has you all come yelling and hollering.
Well if you consider coming forth and giving a womans perspective of what we would see as attractive vs non attractive,convincing vs non convincing as yelling and hollering I will fess up and say I am guilty. Though in truth I believe most post her have been confirmation of your statement to Cemar that he needs to be more decisive in his words and statements then yelling and hollering. But that may be some form of filtered opinion filled with hidden meanings since I am a woman right?
If you consider as a male you are better equiped to give a another person female insight and perspectives then those who are female I think that a little illogical but okay. Though I do feel you may better equate it to the mans line of thinking.
I wish you luck with CeMar. Maybe with your ego and humor you will be able to get him in to respond to you in ways others have not been able to. For his sake and his wifes I hope someone suceeds with this soon.
As always your post was a pleasure to read. I knew this thread would become interesting.
Oh yeah just a little warning there is a frying pan that flies around here on occassion to wack people in the head. To many inflamatory remarks and you may want to dunk. lol I love cyberland
Wow! This thread has really taken off. Way too much to comment on everything, but I just wanted to note that Cemar's point that his W loves to read romance novels constantly is telling. I think that she clearly has some passion/sexuality/drive hiding in there somewhere and she may be escaping from the M thru these novels. It certainly is less destructive than OM. Many people read to escape but the fact that she reads mainly romance novels highlights the dichotomy between the romance in her own M (not much) and that within the books. Things that make you go Hmmm....
When do we get to meet the real you?