You have to open up and talk about yourself, what kinda conversations you have with her, how you react to each other, show us something other then you are lonely and frustrated. Do you answer questions? We know what you want all ready. Your defeatist comments and attitude are not a solution. Besides that I find you very unattractive when you do them.
Do you want a solution? Or do you want to live in your misery and keep your wife there with you?
I want you to know we are on the same page when you say you want a connection when having sex. Ditto. I don't enjoy sex for sex either. I have done it a few times (one night stands, long ago, none were a good experience for me) and it was not for me. To much hassle. Is she phsyco, is she clean(disease), is she clean, does she taste good, is she going to bite my johnson, how do I get her to leave, Where did I leave my keys, Does she have a boyfriend that is going to show up......much easier to handle it myself. But even in a HD relationship there are times you have sex just for sex. sometimes its hormones, sometimes it is stress relief, sometimes its a quicky . Very rarely does a woman climax from them or get anything physically persay out of them but a mess to deal with but they enjoy them and feel womanly afterwards nonetheless.
Personally when I am having sex regularly I perfer to not give her a climax every time. They dont need the frequency like we do and it keeps the woman unsatisfied and amped up and eager for the next encounter.
In a marriage though sex is not just sex. I told Lou, it is good for you, it is good for her, it is good for the relationship. whatever you may think right now-- a bond is made. If she is open to it, at least willing, not openly resistant or hostile to the idea I think you should increase your frequency. A womans sex drive is much different then yours. You say 10-15 times a year..... that is not going to keep her motor running. If women dont keep it active it gets rusty and dusty down there.
Little known fact, most lesbians in long term relationships have zero sex life. The man brings it to a relationship. His odor, his pheromones, his mental state, his presence, and manly attributes.
We trigger the sex drive. We have the testosterone at a minimum 10x more.
If you double the average womans testosterone they literaly freak out and have to satisfy there urges multiple times a day. and the average man still has at minimus 5x more then steroid girl. We dont get enough credit for controlling our urges. Get over it.
It causes me to resent her AND to disrespect myself Tough love buddy...only your perception of your self can cause you to direspect yourself. change your perception. I have touched on this briefly but, barring sexual abuse situations, and often even in those-- it is the mans mental state that dictates the relationship.
This is not far eastern jedi mind trick mumbo jumbo. How are you at home? Are you happy. Is there an air of fun and happiness and well being? Can you make your wife laugh and giggle like a teenage girl? Does she have a life? friends, activities, Do you have a life? What do you do for fun. Do you watch porn? Dont expect that from your wife. Jenna Jameson made over 8 million dollars last year. I bet your wife would ACT that way two for that much money.
Does she read fiction? Would she read a mystery romance novel?
Read the LD womens posts, not wishing your wife was doing what they are, but to see what she may be thinking and most importantly FEELING. Read between the lines. I try to point out what is beneficial to us as men when I run across it, but you have to get your thought process used to working that way.
Get in her head. Make her feel things. New things, Suprise her.
I will be happy to post with you about this stuff, If you are willing to look in the mirror and say "the relationship lives and dies based on the head of the house." That is supposed to be you.
Isn't the goal to have a passionate marriage?
I dont know. Is it your goal? Then say it with conviction and stop making it a question. You sound lost when you do that. Have a direction.
Life has thrown you this problem so that you can improve yourself as a person and get rid of your insecurities. Own the problem so you can start solving it.
Hmmmm that just caused a flash. Do you think your are attractive?
Ill tell you what I see in you. Ill tell you things I think you can try. Ill point out resources to help you fix you. I am not going to respond to you anymore unless you answer my questions and talk about your sitch. Show me what you got Captain Obvious.
