Gwyn, I'm not sure you should go back at this moment. You are just beginning to realize what you really want. You are just beginning to realize what you need to do. I believe you are coming to accept and forgive. But you need to be sure you can hold your tongue. You need to be sure you can be in the same house with him and get along. You need to be sure you can be around him when he's angry or moody about something and not take it personally. You need to be sure you can be in the same house with him and leave him alone. Do you feel you can trust him? If he comes home late and hasn't called, can you live with that? If he wants to spend time doing something without you, can you live with that. All these things take time, have you had enough time?
Please keep seeing your MC. Please keep posting on the board--especially when you need to vent. If you feel like being mad at him, come here and say all the things you feel like saying.
My H's biggest fear was that I would be clingy and distrustful if he came home. I couldn't tell him I wouldn't be--I had to show him.
Your H had an A that lasted a year and a half but he couldn't leave you for her. I believe that means something.
Take your time, Gwyn. Really think it through before you decide to go home. Talk to your MC about it. I wouldn't discuss it with H yet. He's going to want to see some changes in you. And you want to see some changes in you too--I can hear you wanting it.
