Just got an email from my MC who wanted to challenge me with my own kind of thinking. If I loved my H I wouldn't continue hurting him with my histile comments. If I loved my H, I'd forgive him. If I loved my H, prove it by controlling my tongue. If I can't, maybe I don't really love him or just don't know how to love him in that way.
I know where he's going with this - because my way of thinking is if my H loved me he wouldn't have done what he did, if my H loved me, he would not have been with the OW for half of my marriage, etc. Any comments or analysis on these issues?
Any help out there? I really am destroying what is left of my M. I cannot control myself around my H. He triggers me into thoughts of disgust, thoughts of betrayal, thoughts of all kinds of emotions that I never knew I was capable of thinking. I'm 5 months into recovery and I am getting more and more angry as time goes on, not more understanding. I'm fighting and fighting within myself and I cannot get a hold of this. I want to stay married, I don't want to be alone, my H is truly remorseful and will do anything to get our M back, and yet I still struggle. WHY? Shouldn't I be grateful?
