So, we had an MC session yesterday. Our MC assigned us an exercise from the Hendrix workbook for "Finding the Love You Want". I forgot to do the exercise, but my WS completed hers. The exercise dealt with exits (death, suicide, insanity, affairs, addictions) that partners use in a relationship to avoid dealing with difficult subjects. My WS said that until she did the exercise she hadn't realized how she felt about the fact that I use alcohol a little too much and usually am asleep by 8-9 PM. She said she hadn't been aware until doing the exercise that sometimes she feels lonely because she stays up later (9-10 PM). Our MC said that alcohol can be an exit, and can also be a medication since it releases dopamine in the brain. So we had a discussion about that. I said I hadn't an idea that my WS felt lonely; she had never told me that - now she has. She said she spends a lot of time talking on the phone at night with her family, but that she would prefer talking more with me, or just doing simple things like reading together or watching television together. She also said that she wanted me to be flattered because she wanted my company more. I am trying to deal with these revelations and trying to decide how to proceed. I enjoy the feeling of mellowness I get from a few beers after running 2-3 miles after coming home from work. My WS also said she didn't want me to totally change my lifestyle because she thought I would resent her for having to do that to please her. However, I guess I will have to tone down the drinking and spend more time with her. I felt defensive and anxious when my WS revealed them to me and had flashbacks about what had caused her to have the affair over the 12-year period. We are going off on a weekend on the SC coast (Hurricane Ophelia willing and the creeks don't rise). Maybe we will hash over these things this weekend. And so it goes.
"The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong in the broken places." - Ernest Hemingway, A Farewell to Arms, 1929.
TS - that sounds like a great session with the MC. What your wife is asking for is not that big of a change for you. Maybe one beer instead of two? Maybe staying up later with her every other night? I know it's hard to have people you love say negative things about you, but she's talking and telling, listen.
Hope you're doing well. I'm heading to the SC Coast this weekend too!
