chrissy

I was only speaking of negative feelings. Although truth be told I desperately try to control my "feelings of love" infatuation when starting a new R. I know it is a powerful drug and dont want to get to out of control. Self protective, it appears I may be a love avoider.... no... I am not, I am cautious, but the I see how seeking to control myself could actually lessen the experience. for both of us.

Most people want to be self sufficient. If there was no fear in needing others, then you wouldnt detach as a protection mechanism. Your H is currently the sole provider, yes? You dont like it, are trying to change it, but it is something he does. How often do you show him that you appreciate that? If you dont, why? How good would it make him feel if you let him know that you really appreciate it? How could you show him with actions instead of words. Your not buying anything for yourself except bare bottom (heheh) neccessities says it is more then a want to be self sufficient. If you bought yourself a new shirt, or pair of earrings, whatever and thanked him for it.... would there be a catastrophe.

The people that have helped since my accident... I say yes to their offers, its hard for me, and thank them and refrain from offering some sort of repayment. My long term friends bust my chops for needing them. Its funny, but true. Could I get along by myself? yes, but being a friend means letting others be a friend to you too.

What is something else you actually do need your H for? There are others.



In your case you have already started, the changes by changing your perspective. I wonder if the scheduling sex isnt having a lot to do with that. It does make a bond and it does force both people to want to resolve the conflicts. You are choosing to see the good. If you are looking for the good, pointing it out with WOA, it will become a cycle. For insecure guys often times knowing and receiving admiration from their woman leads them to trying harder to get more of it. They gain confidance! If you are focused on the good you wont have time to nag on the bad, and raise his defenses.

The bible gives different advice to men and women, and our typical wedding vows have different aspects to them also. Men are supposed to cherish and protect. ( yes I screwed up) Women are supposed to respect and honor. When men beg and plead it messes things up. When women nag and whine it messes things up.

I worry about your sitch, because I am unclear on the physical abuse. Make sure that you keep up the really Strong boundary control.

capable of doing it for yourself. Then you do not need them to do it for you. You are allowing them to do it

I am perfectly capable of surviving by myself, without much of anything. I taught survival classes to young teens in AK for awhile. That is not the point. When I ask someone to do something, or allow them to I am admiting to myself that I need them and also risking them letting me down or rejecting my 'need'. Your allow comment is a semantical twist in your head to prevent the rejection, let down possibility.

You have a desire, need to show affection, give loving feelings to something/someone. You are giving it to a dog, a type that you dont particularly care for to begin with, instead of your H who wants it, but is needy, desperate for it.
He is partly needy, desperate, and jealous because you are so completely NOT showing any need and or gratitude.


Much like Mrs. Bube, ( how do I pronounce that? boo-be? buhb? be-you-b? buh-be? its driving me nuts I see the word and have no sound to it in my head. I must know. )
and BB. Ive lumped you in with them now. LOL.