The following comments are a continuation of the discussion on Globule’s thread. My take on Blackfoot follows the lines stated by LFL over there, but for different reasons. I suspect BF has some pretty strong narcissistic tendencies. Note the following points:
• You are young (I believe under 30) and not old enough IMO to fully understand the intricacies of personality interactions. You have a basic knowledge of FOO but only as it applies to how you can become appealing to women. • You are self critical to the extent of consciously plotting different approaches to women’s different personalities and defenses. In this way you are very calculating, which is the source of your insight. This also makes you very manipulative (and possibly harmful to others). • You do seem to be sensitive to criticism from others (but aren’t we all) when a challenge is made to your authority. This has only recently come out on Globule’s thread. • Your have always had an air of arrogance. I sense you are intelligent, as are most narcissists. You know enough to acknowledge others that know more than you, and not get into an argument with those that could take down your façade. But there is another reason to this civility. • Your problems with your ex are well thought out and rationalized, but under all this is a glimmer than your wife got tired of your domineering attitudes and being treated like a child. While she may have been immature and dysfunctional herself, the fact that she was seduced away from you leads me to believe that her story would sound completely different.
So in light of these observations, I believe your MO is that of a narcissist, or at least someone with strong narcissistic tendencies. If you read Sam Vaknin’s website, you will see parallels between what he calls “narcissistic supply” and your actions. (I am also coming to believe WishingItWasOver exhibits some of these traits as well.) You need to build up a pool of favors, helping others to in turn receive the respect and adoration you need. On a message board, this can only come through civility and respect – hence the calculated acknowledgement and civility toward other’s opinions.
Blackfoot, I believe the trauma you felt from your separation does stem from losing someone you love, but also from losing the adoration (narcissistic supply) of your wife. You gained comfort and security in knowing you had control over someone else. She finally got fed up with this and did the only thing she could – she left. I am not sure if there is anyone on this planet that could get you to change, back down from your arrogant attitudes and become humble.
Read up on this subject. I guarantee you will see yourself written in all the pages. I also guarantee it will make you so mad you will throw down the book and curse it as a bunch of lies. Then you will know it is the truth.
Personally I don’t care whether someone is narcissistic or not, as long as I am not married to one (although I think I am married to someone with mild tendencies). The point of my comments is that putting this out on the board will hopefully trigger a debate at a deeper level, from which we can all learn, especially you Blackfoot, if you are open to it. So what do you say, are you man enough (challenge to the subconscious id, or ego)?
