Globule I almost saw Coldplay a few weeks ago but they added a show at the last minute and I already had tickets to go see U2. That was awesome. I've seen Sting at least 3 or 4 times in concert. Love him. I was all into The Cure, The Smiths, mainly "alternative" bands from the late 80's. Still like them but my H is obsessed. His cd collection is stagnated back to that era, with a few exceptions, lol. I'm getting more into that techno sound now, love The Killers, The Bravery, that sort of stuff too. I could talk about music all day but I will try to stay on topic. Hope I can get a few more posts in before I hear "Mommy, I need...."
Chrissy If OM was still in the picture, H and I would not be reconciling right now. So yes, I see the big difference between my M and Blackfoot's M. He also does not have children which is a major factor in many reconciliations.
But, we all want "intense love" as you stated and I think it IS possible to gain that with someone even though major hurts have been experienced. In fact, the hurts can make the R that much more intense and meaningful in the end. Made it through the storm so to speak and now are more determined than ever to build a better M. It can happen IF both people want that. I'm just telling Blackfoot he can keep that door open if both he and hiw W choose to. It is obviously something they, and not any of us, can determine. Still, I don't think Blackfoot would be on this board if he did not have some hope to mend the R/M. He'd be out trolling the bars for fresh meat
But, we all want "intense love" as you stated and I think it IS possible to gain that with someone even though major hurts have been experienced. In fact, the hurts can make the R that much more
I agree wholeheartedly that it can. Unless it takes away from a persons part of there core self. If you have to give up some of who you are and believe in how intense can it be with a part of you missing? Now if you find what you believe in may have been a ill founded belief that is different that is changing what you believe in evolving and growing not giving up what you believe in.
It is obviously something they, and not any of us, can determine
Agreed
I don't think Blackfoot would be on this board if he did not have some hope to mend the R/M.
Though this could be true there is another reason he could be here. To mend himself. To help himself work through the residual emotional pain that is left over from this relationship. DBing is not only about fixing a broken marriage. It is about learning how we got here so we do not repeat the same behaviors later. It shows us how to improve ourselves and accept that fact that is the only thing we have control of is ourselves and our part in the relationship.
Chrissy a few of the women have given me insight in my x behaivior, thoughts but I haven't ever had a women in my head like that. ever. or even verbalizing the dynamics of my sitch. Its disconcerting.
Couple quick notes, I KNOW her and OM WELL. So when she and I have a conversation and suddenly he (his arguments, phrases, viewpoints) is speaking to me with her voice, it gets me real negative real fast. We were really in love, she says ' I was whupped on you, blackfoot.' When I say if OM werent around --I mean if he hadnt lived with us. Affair didnt start during a time of neglect or LYNILWY. She is in love with both of us.(Got 2 long text messages while I was in san fran this weekend and 1 reminiscing email. I refuse to decode.) Yeah we had crashing insecurities, and a break in our EC, but those are cycles that go on in every R and nothing like what I see described around here. He was smooth and she was naive. The first time. No excuse the second. Now the feelings are there and even she admits she is ruled by her feelings. If we had kids she would have a reason to make a decision. He and I had equal value to her.
I dont think I have more guts then anyone else, I fell apart when A started. (b!tch-slap self repeatedly for being a wuss ) I should have walked immediately. It would have given us a better chance.
I am really trying to make my decision without ego and/or letting it become a narcisstic injury. The particular style of affair, and because I know OM's philosophy/technique is a huge part of it. The storm already came though, the time to make hard decisions. The character and beliefs of exceptable behaivior of both of us was exposed during the storm.
as for trolling the bars... the quality of women I am attracting right now with my straitforward approach, Hi I am blackfoot, I am seperated/divorcing... . leaves much to be desired. Trolling is a good word. (tried the freak of nature comment, she walked away, but came back 15 minutes later and wanted to know what I meant by it. still no drink in face. lol)
I have stated why I am here in previous posts and chrissy nailed it too. again. I have things to work on right now, (lawsuit, moving north, new contracts, physical therapy) fresh meat isnt one of my concerns. I mastered finding new or next a long time ago, finding and getting/being a keeper is something I am obviously still working on. Thank you ladies for your unflagging support in pointing out all my flaws/ screwups.
They will be there when D is finalized and I am available. Besides if you look at the time of my last few posts youll know I am not just coming home from the book store.
Quote: She is in love with both of us.(Got 2 long text messages while I was in san fran this weekend and 1 reminiscing email. I refuse to decode.)
That must be very stressful for you. What is her point in sending these emails, texts? She is the one who is initiating the divorce, right? This hardly seems resolved on either of your ends. Actually, you seem to be handling this better than her. She is a loose canon. Good for you for utilizing this board to work through your own issues. That says a lot about your character, even if you are out trolling the bars first lol
Thanks for the thumbs up on the music. It speaks volumes without having to say a word. Gotta love that.
Boy - I'm really sorry for the texts, e-mails. That is crazy making. I have been there, done that with ex-H. He went through a "get her back" period. Ultimately, I discerned that he didn't really want "me" back - he didn't know "me." He was just kinda narcissistic and didn't want to lose the game. He is still narcissistic and I'm glad it is really not my problem anymore. I don't know how you feel but I'm sorry that you are experiencing this particular brand of pain.
LFL good question. I dont know, you tell me. She will find out OM is F'ing her over shortly after D is finallized, but she wouldnt have to find it out if .... anyways. The truth will be known and true value shown. I am moving and eliminating possibilities of contact on Dday. It breaks my heart for her to know this ahead of time, it would probably overcome my better judgement if we had contact down the road. She can be very seductive and persuasive. Must keepmypower.
Karen it was crazy making in the beginning, but its easier to ignore then the emotional phone calls. I wouldnt put up with this behaivior in anyone else, not going(trying) to go crazy with her. sometimes I sense that she looked at meduring our reconcil, like you looked at your x.
my actions this second time would be totally different if there were no OM. I refuse to as-if a second time to such disrespectful, self destructive behaivior. I am receptive to her contact, but I initiate nothing. I think we all know how that works with M/F R's.
Naive is a great word describing a woman acting like a little girl, not good describing blackfoot. blech.
more music... three days grace, hate everything about you; nickleback, figured you out; The CULT, ALL of it; finger eleven, one thing; cat stevens, wild world and first cut is the deepest; not really clashing libido music.
need to go tear apart globule post I've been avoiding it.....
On a lighter note, some of my other current song faves:
Feel Good, Inc - Gorillaz (have no idea what they are talking about, but it sounds cool) Pon de Replay - Ryanna (Man I wish I could dance) I don't wanna be - Gavin Degraw Collide - Howie Day You and Me - Lifehouse
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
Hope I can get a few more posts in before I hear "Mommy, I need...." 
) I should have walked immediately. It would have given us a better chance. 
