The superior man...does not set his mind either for anything, or against anything; what is right he will follow.

Confucius



LFL, You do see the differences in our sitches, don't you? Your H did not deceive, lie, sneak, seperate, become vicious, and deliberately hurtful in an attempt to DRIVE you away, etc, because of OP. twice.


Your H may have been selfish, and hurtful, but he was honest, straightforward, and IMO had integrity, with the sep. He is a guy and things built up to the point were he needed some time to himself, as scary as that was for you-- it was good for you in the end. I dont remember you saying he blamed you for it.
Your involvement was after being a LBS. It did NOT start after he offered to work on things, and began making efforts. You remember the feelings it caused and I seriously doubt you would do it again. Your H's value to you is high enough to respect his No OM boundary.

I was wrong to lose my temper and verbally rag on her, it doesnt justify, or excuse 2nd time of more of the same. Her R with him is 95% virtual, he lives 2000 miles away. there is no reason to believe she will stop it or ever did for that matter.

There are many people here who have crashing insecurities, but are strong enough to stick it out and look into things to see if they can fix the sitch, even though their SO withdraws for a few months.
There is no way we would be seperated or divorcing if there were no OM.


I got weird yesterday, after her phone call because I let her step over my personal booundaries again, letting her ramble about her version of the past.
Bad blackfoot. Oh well I got my thought control back,now. Thanks for letting me vent.
There are conceivable, but unlikely situations where I would be willing to work on things. The current Victim mentality, unforgiving, no personal responsibility, disrespect, are not them.

I believe I have 'fixed' my mistakes.

She is having an affair.
There is nothing for me to 'fix' as long as that is the case. Doing anything other then standing firm and waiting for her to make a decision, and demonstrate changes, woould be sabotaging another reconcil attempt. It would increase my resentment and lack of respect. Abusing my skills with frame control, and pushing her attraction buttons, is not her making logical decisions, understanding her mistakes or giving us the right framework for it to workout.


She started the clock ticking, and on my bday Dday she, and everything associated with her will cease to exist in my life. It will be best for both of us, she will be forced to focus on R with OM, her confusion will end, and I wont have to go thru life with that uncertainty.

I am so glad that we did.

I am glad you did too, and am really impressed by your strength and willingness to make changes and take personal responsibility to make things work. Thanks for sharing your experiences with me/us.