my family background.... My mom and dad divorced sometime around my birth.... I have a handful of memories of him, serendipitously ran into him last when I was 14. My family moved out of state when I was 16. When I was married and close to starting a family (my x and I had planned on starting last Feb, mice and men eh?) I thought about him quite a bit. Before that and now, basically never. my mom remarried when I was 5, I am the oldest of 4 of a rural midwestern family, untill I was 16. I never disliked my stepdad, but as a kid didnt understand why my mom married him. My family was affectionate, active, religious, close to extended family, pretty apple pie. I would say my mom was smarter and controlled most everything. She wasnt and isnt domineering, my stepdad just thought that too and let her handle most things. I viewed myself as a outsider, I wansn't ever treated that way, but they were a 'real' family and it only took one look to see I was not his son. My family was completely leave-it-to-beaver then IMO, but I always couldnt wait till I was old enough to leave and be on my own. When I was 21 my mom and stepdad had a NASTY divorce, my sis and two brothers were wrecked by it. I was living in Alaska at the time and actually asked my mom to send them to live with me. I made a couple trips to see them during, it was horrible to be in for those short periods, and I was independant and could leave.
I hated living with my wifes family because of pride, lived on my own since I was 17. Living together like that was completely normal to them, we got along well while we were there, they treat me (still)as a son, and any difficulties were because she had the tough role, their daughter, my wife. They had a lot of expectations of her, had opinions on how a wife should act. I would stick up for her. No serious arguments, just more along the lines of -Bah, kids. Oh yeah, except moving out of state, they were adamantly against that. Moving to another country was ok but taking THEIR daughter away wasn't. They are first generation immigrants, old school, and catholic, and she was raised 2nd of two, (older bro) basically like a princess,(maids, chauffers, cooks,etc.) untill they came here. They are mortified at the divorce, still treat me like a son when given the chance.
We were getting ready to move out of state, boxing up our place and looking for a place to lease month to month, untill she finished the anticipated three months of school. she brought up staying with her parents as a option, had already talked to them about it, and when I didnt like the idea, told me I was not considering that because of feelings not logic.
She was right, won that one, and I have since learned the lesson several times that logic isnt always the best choice.
Of course during the affair, it was one of the things I did wrong, 'making her' live with her parents and not 'taking care of her'. Asked her during the reconciliation why she said that, her reply was 'dunno, dont want to talk about it.' LOVE IT. not.
HP You have asked about my current ND. I stated somewhere else when the affair started I was ND for 2 months, going from ML, or MB every day since I was a teen, that was a shocker. I have gone for years without MB, because our SL was so active. My drive was back to normal during the reconciliation, but in the past few months since the second seperation I am extremely LD for me, practically ND. I MB maybe twice a month. Its a relief to not have this frustrating need since I wont do anything about it right now, but in the back of my mind is a hint of a worry. I went to a strip club with a coed group of friends last week, and was suprised I had no hint of arousal. I am going to start dating again, once D is finalized, I'll worry about it then if nothing changes.
I feel like my posts run on and on. Since my favorite subject is NOT me, I try to keep things brief and too the point. Not vague or cloaked. I am happy to truthfully answer any question, as we are all here to get insights.
to all,
I will bust your chops, when you behave nutso IMO, expect the same, and will offer support, and encouragement when needed. We are all here to change the only thing we can, ourselves, its easier to do when someone points out what (they think of course) needs changin.
