I appreciate that you want things to work out for me.
In fact you are the only woman I know that has encouraged me to try again.

I may want to, but I cannot take all the responsibility.
No relationship can live that way.
I may shout I dont believe in murder, but if the guy pulls the trigger I am still dead. As for me wanting a divorce, I am not very normal... I try to do what is good for me and then want it, accept it. You can conjure up any emotion by remembers a memory that had it, I may as well conjure up the ones I want.

my sitch is not yours,
She is a WAS twice
She is a affarie twice
she filed for divorce twice,
we have no kids
the plans we had for family, and career, are gone,
tossed aside by me to fight for us, (dumb I know, but i had to get myself away from him, I was dangerously close to loseing control of my anger. only have twice so far in my life for justifiable reasons, but it is not pretty)and by her for someone else.

I told her I would not do it the same way this time around, meaning as long as they are in contact. I did last time. Even your husband set that clear boundary to you.

She can see future possibilities with both of us. This is not about her just getting over feeling for OM that she had fling with. Her attraction to me is greater, I know this becasue she constantly comes back, and he has done no 'love busters' to her, and she really does not want a divorce, just to escape her pain, but my insecurity is her and him. She will continue to see if it is there, and when I react to it, she is my wife after all, will go back to him.
She has to be completely done with him for her own reasons, but my vision of a marriage is not second place, so once D is finallized, I will never have contact with her again. In fact I am moving. again.

If anyone wishes to offer me reasons why I should, or where my thinking is off, or how this is being driven by my ego, I will gladly hear them.

Other wise this endless ping pong will continue, he will not set down the paddle as he continue to play the game with other wives still. Not fair to me, and terrible for her.
Would she stop if we have kids? Not a chance I am willing to take, and not a woman I want to have kids with.

If you know the story of Samson and Delilah, you know she asked him four times what the secret of his strength was. She betrayed him three times with no repurcussions. He may have been strong but he wasnt very smart.