LFL I think I am going to stick to answering your issues. When a guy says something thats what he means. There is no in between the lines.
Women "generally" filter what we say thru two levels. why did he say that. and what did he mean by that. It causes so many problems. We are dumb brutes. When we say we are hungry that is what it means. It doesnt mean- I think you are a bad wife for not having dinner ready. Your advanced speech centers are a pain in the ass.
when your H said you would never cheat on him ...that is what he meant. he thinks you are someone of high moral character who wouldnt do that. What you interprered it to was your issue and completely off. I am not feeling receptive to it like I was last week. Why? Was I faking it to see if it would work? Maybe. Not a great way to get thru a M. Certainly won't last too long. no you werent faking. This is called backwards rationalizing. it was a real feeling just like this weeks real feeling. next week will be different too. stop your negative thoughts. that is your responsiblity. stop them.
Reconciliation is great, mature, responsible, healthy,takes determination and strenth. It is the right thing to do. Remarriage? What divorce is a game? a speedbump? vows are what just words? those are two differnt things. you and I have different sitch's. she restarted her affair,and escalated it. It is my fault that it started... but I did the lion share of the work. in restoring and reconciling. I am not perfect and will make mistakes again. she is going to run off again? when does she take responsibility? only then can we have a great marriage. she has her things to work on. The divorce is completely up to her I had nothing to do with it. I sign what she asks me too. she still has complete access to all of my finances, I could wake up monday and be bankrupt if she so chooses. I assumed every bill. divorce is her choice but she will have to live with it.
My wooing her during the reconciliation was not too little too late, it was my verbal abuse on her b-day when things were going welll that wrecked it.
just as her 'not being able to see a future with me' was NOT the original reason. if it was we would not have reconciled. Im not going into the phsycology of it. Focus yourself on DB'ing, on solutions and what you need to fix in yourself. There are plenty. I dont know what they are, but you and your H had crashing insecurities for some reason. You guys wont be able to work on your marriage untill OM is faded much more then he currently has. Time. patience. You are going to ride a rollercaoster of emotions LFL, fear of your WAH, loss of OM, finances, bad traffic, bad hair day, LOL, fear of the marriage not working. STOP IT. It will work out.
You and H are on a level playing field in my opinion. He F'ed up, and you reacted typically, but you F'ed up too. It seems he is owning his, own yours.
again my wife has done it twice. after we have read about it together.
Quote: There has been so much hurt on both sides. I'm really starting to doubt if it is possible. I mean it would be easy to get back together and have an "ok" M, but not a great one. I want a great one! Is that too much to ask? Maybe too much has happened and that is no longer a possibility.
Did you copy this out of a book of things woman say after a relationship crash? j/k
No .it is easier to have a great marriage with a spouse then with someone new. who you know none of their faults to come. There is no greener grass. Just the grass you maintain. Make it green .
Quote: He keeps so much inside that I don't feel like I really know what he thinks of this, and yes I have come right out and asked him. I think he gives me the answer I want to hear so that we get back together
I know you need the verbal. Go ahead and get it. What do his actions say? That is how we communicate. Are they saying the same thing? Sounds like they are. Hes trying so help him out a little. Its what you want --so its ok to hope, even if it is scary.
You'll be ok girl. I have ideas for you and your H when you simmer down a little,
