Dear VJ, Kismet, KDU, KDK - Hi gals...Don't worry about me! I have renewed strength to do this....Yes,
1) To SAVE my marriage
2) To not have OW have him sooo easily.
I know a lot of you do not agree with me on No. 2. Spoke to both my mom and my MIL, and they both agreed that this is the way to go. The only way of doing this is that I am detached enough and not react to H's anger (if any, and if it comes) and just take it lightly. I am redirect my focus of a goal.....making OW jealous (as my MIL said "She is also human. Make her jealous!!") and letting her be the one PUSHING H. WIth that goal in mind, it gives me strength to continue to fight for my M. At the moment, I am NOT pushing,...just showing him my affections, acting AS-IF that all is well. I have suggested dinner at my mom's on Wednesday and he has agreed to it. MIL is coming too. I've been thinking...I am going to continue to show affections, and no harm in that.... even if he rejects my suggestions or offers. As long as I don't feel that I have degraded my self and lower my self-esteem. As most of you have seen, and I also realised that H is still very much confused as what he is doing. The way he talks, he makes no sense in many sense. LOL. So, I am trying to steer him towards making a decision that is towards us. As my boss says...I just have to tip the scale by a teeeny weeeny 1% in my favour. So, that means being the sweetest nicest wife ever with my show of affections. Yes, this is a digression from DBING. And most of you will not agree but hope you will let me stay on the BB to continue with my journalling. It gives me a good place to type my thoughts.

Yes...the revelation of OW seeing the house was quite a shock. Did cry my eyes out... When I confronted H about it, he said "she helped me look for house because I am busy, can't it be that?" I said "If you were really trying to do the right thing, it would be ME looking for the house, not she!". He is really really confused!!!! I mean..
1) Getting her look for the house WITH her parents (Sorry to say low lifes breed low lifes)
2) Had her stuff sent over to Country X.
3) Went on a Fact-Finding Mission at the International School for the Boys
4) Have US over for the weekend.
5) Texting her while in the car with us...calling her "Huney" - because S8 sort of looked at it while he was texting.
So, as you see....this is like few months back. H still not knowing what he is doing. I don't think being dark and detaching in this sense can continue. But, I am still detaching in a sense whereby I am aiming for an OSCAR...he he he...

Also, don't think that H is trying to make the TWO years go by easily with the niceness. I mean, most times he is rather calm and lovey-dovey to me. It's me who always sort of provokes him. So, this is a 180 for me...STOP provoking him, and let him continue to have his cake and eat it too... (I don't feel like a doormat for letting H have his cake and eat it too....because I have a higher satisfaction...of knowing OW not getting to eat her cake. She WANTS to the legal Mrs. But she can wait till high heaven and she's not going to get it. I know that sounds vindictive and you guys may worry that I will be fully obsessed in doing this and its not healthy for me. Don't worry. I am not. I am also not angry. It is just really invigorating to know that I yield such power...adrenalin rush. HE HE HE.... .No..I have not gone mad or crazy. In fact, things have not been so clear to me. I didn't intend to do this but this weekend...there was too much revelation that I am pushed to go this route.

As for DB coach...I am over in South East Asia...would be a difficult to do that...Actually, come to think of it...I am practicing some DB principles.

1) I am really doing 180s
* I am not one who normally tells H that I love him, and I am doing it.
* I am normally cold when disappointed, now...I just turn it around to a joke. It's such a 180 that H doesn't know how to respond
* Sound perky and cheeky.....(am normally quite a serious person)
* Be his cheerleader (was never in a habit of doing this)

2) Acting AS-IF nothing is wrong..things are going the right way
* calling him and asking him about his day
* updating him on our going-ons
* getting boys to call him
* talk about our joint finances like there's nothing wrong
* arranging dinner with in-laws
(this is akin to acting as-if and NOT waiting for the other shoe to drop??)

3) PATIENCE....
* Not pushing H to make a decision...(wait for OW to do it. She is DYING to be the Missus, otherwise she won't be sooo eager to go find the house, and ship her stuff over. Well, she can't be there as his dependent. Ha ha.. Gosh..this feels good!)

I will continue to adhere to these steps...unless I get a MAJOR NEGATIVE reaction from H...then I will re-evaluate.

I will let H have his cake and eat it too...since he is in a confusion state. BUT as you see..both OW and I are not confused and we are very clear what WE BOTH want. So, if you take the confused H out of the picture. It's me against OW. It's really a Waiting Game. If H queries why the sudden change? ....here is my answer.." I LOVE you and the kids that I am willing to make a sacrifice and share my husband with OW. If OW really LOVES you, then she should sacrifice the idea of marriage and just be contented that she is having you. And if you LOVE your kids, you will want your kids to grow up in a proper family and not from a Single-parent family. And this way, everyone has everyone". Also "If OW deserves to be happy, then what about my boys? They do not deserve to be happily growing up in a proper family?" I know it sounds stupid. This takes lots of patience and detaching.... And after this weekend, I am going to do this!!!

I know this is a weird situation....and different from most of your sitchs because...
1) H still talks to me and he still wants the affection and love from me
2) H is living away from both OW and I
3) Difficult for OW to move over to be with H (she can...if she finds a job for herself...but not as his dependent..ha ha!)

Please fellow DBers ...do not barrage me, okay? These few days...have been so much on my mind...and have not been doing my job at work...so, won't have time to really visit your threads. Sorry...

One Day at a TIME!!
Its a bright Sunny Future that I see...