KDU - I agree with you wholeheartedly. It's so much easier to go on with you life when you don't hear or see them, but then they turn up and all the feelings just rush forward... *sigh*

Kismet - Yeap... Fancy him telling the boys if there's anyone on my bed... but he did say it kind of jokingly. Will wait to see if what he says will turn into actions...

Journalling..
Monday evening..had a talk with a wise old man...told him that I feel so contradictory with my feelings. And he asked me a very good question - Would I feel the hurt and turmoil be worth it IF things turn out alright later? I have to say the answer is YES. So, I have decided that no matter how much it hurt me, no matter how sh!tty I feel, no matter how bad I feel, I will try to make my Marriage work. Eventhough the contacts with H hurts, BUT at least the emotional bond is still somewhat maintained and hopefully, H will realise that he DOES want the family. So, I am going to STOP building a wall to protect my feelings. Afterall, I think I am strong enough to PULL myself up if H really does DECIDE to leave at the end of the day. I will cross that bridge when I come to. For now, I WILL put my feelings of hurt and disappointment in a BOX and store it far far away... And try to make things well. The wise old man also told me "Us men do need our ego stroke once in awhile. Do tell him that he was a good father, and a good husband...". Well, that thought was moving around my head for a long time... At about 8.30 pm. I sent H a text.
ME: Wow..Your son actually knows how to use the word "wilting". Anyway, let me know when the transfers are done.
H Called me back.
H: What is wilting? I don't even know..
Me: Flowers are wilting?
H: Oh...
Me: Can you let me know when the transfer are done?
H: Okay. Got to sort out how to do that.

Then later....I muscled all my courage and sent him a text.
Me: It may be stupid of me to do this, but what the heck... I still do love you. I missed you. You were a good husband and father...
H: Me too. Let's hope all will be ok in months to come. Not messing with your head!!! Nite nite...

The next morning, I sent H an email with the subject heading of "Yes..this is the troublesome woman"

Hi! I know that you probably go..."Shucks..now what??" But what do you mean by "Let's hope all will be ok in months to come"?
1) Do you mean that you are TRYING to make things right, and you HOPE that you know how to?
Or
2) Do you mean that you are still CONFUSED and don't know what to do, but HOPE that you will know soon?

AND you are right...I wouldn't want you to COME back because you are FORCED to. I want you COME back because you truly WANT to. And if you feel that you can't be happy with me, then I will LET you go. It hurts like hell but life is full of hurts...

H did reply...it was rather short but sounds quite positive.
Yes...very troublesome.
JUst let it be and i'll make things right .....

So, I guessed it sounds positive...just got to see if he walks the walk/ walks the talk ( as Kismet says both are correct!)

Actually, I had to fly to Country X on Tuesday and to return back on Wed. BUT since I am off to Mauritius on Wednesday, I have been excused from this work-trip... Good or Bad, I don't know...

One Day at a TIME!!