yoyo, I don't know what to say. I can see you are fed up and confused, so maybe just focus on your holiday for now.
He said that I said it wrong. It's not walk the walk. It should be walk the talk. Blah blah blah. He just found it sooo amusing about the whole episode ...
I was confused as I always thought it was walk the walk, so googled and it is, but there is also walk the talk. So turns out both you and H are right. Not that that changes anything he does have to show that he means what he says.
Cannot believe him asking your kids to tell you if anyone is in your bed! I think you need that holiday Yoyo!
KDU - I agree with you wholeheartedly. It's so much easier to go on with you life when you don't hear or see them, but then they turn up and all the feelings just rush forward... *sigh*
Kismet - Yeap... Fancy him telling the boys if there's anyone on my bed... but he did say it kind of jokingly. Will wait to see if what he says will turn into actions...
Journalling.. Monday evening..had a talk with a wise old man...told him that I feel so contradictory with my feelings. And he asked me a very good question - Would I feel the hurt and turmoil be worth it IF things turn out alright later? I have to say the answer is YES. So, I have decided that no matter how much it hurt me, no matter how sh!tty I feel, no matter how bad I feel, I will try to make my Marriage work. Eventhough the contacts with H hurts, BUT at least the emotional bond is still somewhat maintained and hopefully, H will realise that he DOES want the family. So, I am going to STOP building a wall to protect my feelings. Afterall, I think I am strong enough to PULL myself up if H really does DECIDE to leave at the end of the day. I will cross that bridge when I come to. For now, I WILL put my feelings of hurt and disappointment in a BOX and store it far far away... And try to make things well. The wise old man also told me "Us men do need our ego stroke once in awhile. Do tell him that he was a good father, and a good husband...". Well, that thought was moving around my head for a long time... At about 8.30 pm. I sent H a text. ME: Wow..Your son actually knows how to use the word "wilting". Anyway, let me know when the transfers are done. H Called me back. H: What is wilting? I don't even know.. Me: Flowers are wilting? H: Oh... Me: Can you let me know when the transfer are done? H: Okay. Got to sort out how to do that.
Then later....I muscled all my courage and sent him a text. Me: It may be stupid of me to do this, but what the heck... I still do love you. I missed you. You were a good husband and father... H: Me too. Let's hope all will be ok in months to come. Not messing with your head!!! Nite nite...
The next morning, I sent H an email with the subject heading of "Yes..this is the troublesome woman"
Hi! I know that you probably go..."Shucks..now what??" But what do you mean by "Let's hope all will be ok in months to come"? 1) Do you mean that you are TRYING to make things right, and you HOPE that you know how to? Or 2) Do you mean that you are still CONFUSED and don't know what to do, but HOPE that you will know soon?
AND you are right...I wouldn't want you to COME back because you are FORCED to. I want you COME back because you truly WANT to. And if you feel that you can't be happy with me, then I will LET you go. It hurts like hell but life is full of hurts...
H did reply...it was rather short but sounds quite positive. Yes...very troublesome. JUst let it be and i'll make things right .....
So, I guessed it sounds positive...just got to see if he walks the walk/ walks the talk ( as Kismet says both are correct!)
Actually, I had to fly to Country X on Tuesday and to return back on Wed. BUT since I am off to Mauritius on Wednesday, I have been excused from this work-trip... Good or Bad, I don't know...
Yoyo-H does sound like he wants to make things right. I agree with (I'm sorry I forgot ) when she said that if you were distant and cold in the marriage that you could open up a little to H and you just did and looks like you got a positive response. I too was distant and thought I was wonder woman who had to do everything and put H last. I've somewhat opened up to H about my feelings, but not in a nagging way (make sense?) I've seen a little response from him.
I know we are afraid to tell our H that we still love them for fear that it would make them feel guilty of what they've done, but I don't think it would hurt every now and then.
M:43 H:37 D14 (ours) D18 (mine) S22 (mine) S18 (his) S: 10/2004 Bomb: 2/15/05 In/out of home Living with OW #4 Talks of D for 2-1/2 years
I know we are afraid to tell our H that we still love them for fear that it would make them feel guilty of what they've done, but I don't think it would hurt every now and then
I think that is true...because they do 'need' that little encouragement to know that we still love them inspite of all the hurt that we've experienced, and there is light at the end of the tunnel; and there is possibilities that our M still has HOPE. I mean, of course when they are ANGRY and UPSET, you don't want to bring up the ILY business, but I agree that bringing the ILY at the right time may be quite positive. Few months back, when H was angry, angry, angry, I wouldn't have dreamt of telling him ILY. But lately, he seems better, calmer, and a little more jovial. I'm glad that I muscled the courage to let him know that I still love him....
Journalling.. H did call me about 10.20 PM last night. Told me that he had dinner with his customer (a woman he knew from waaaay back) at an Italian restaurant...and the meal costs $$$, and couldn't believe that both of them could eat till that amount. Blah blah blah. Told me about his meetings at work, and he was giving his ideas and experiences blah blah blah, to the extent that the boss told H to do it instead. Basically, I think H behaved like a know-it-all.... (have to say that I DID roll my eyes but sounded interested in his work!!) H did most of the talking about his job...Also asked if boys were sleeping with me... Me: No. H: WHy? You are alone in bed? WHy don't you get the boys to sleep with you? Me: I want to read. If they are in my room, I'll have to be sleeping too. H: Ok. Oh..the other day, when I was flying back to Country X, I was reading a magazine, and there was a one page article about my old company. ANd for a moment, I was regretting of leaving my old job. BUT then...as I turned the page, there was a TWO page article about how great my current company is. And I was like ...okay...good good. Me: (LOL)... Also told H that I was supposed to go to Country X next Tuesday, and return on Wednesday, but because of my flight to Mauritius is on Wed, I won't be able to go..and asked my boss if it was okay if I don't attend the meetings in Country X, and he said OK...so, I won't be going to Country X. H didn't say much about this though.
Good on you YoYo for letting the wall down a little bit and you got a positive reaction. I would be happy with that baby step and leave it alone now for a bit and let H continue the chasing. He has been doing a good job of it lately and that could also be due to your change in attitude so keep using your DB skills and let him make all the moves like he says he is trying to do. There is alot of hope YoYo and you know we will all be here for you no matter which way it goes.....KDU
KDU - Thanks. I know that what he says seems positive but somehow, the actions speak otherwise...I mean it's rather weird with this flying back to this country for only like 5 hours, and for me to pick him up and drop him at the hotel. Plus the missing toolbox. It's all too fishy. For all I know, H is sweet-talking both me and OW. *sigh* Yes, I know that I am ASSuming now...but I am not really making a big deal out of these things to him...but verbalising it over here and to my close gf. I am rather apprehensive about his sincerity and at the same time HOPEFUL. I don't know..quite contradictory, really...As he says to leave things as it is and he will make things right...we'll see if he really will walks the walk/walks the talk in months to come. I have been in this sh!t for 6 months now...and as I told H, he has another 4 months to go. So, lets see these 4 months will have enough positive changes to propel my sitch from here to "Piecing". I am Hoping...praying...and DBing... I have to say that I've zipped my mouth quite well lately...the thought of the rubber band TWANG really did do the trick. Did give him a call about an hour ago. Adhering to the LIGHT on the boys philosophy. H was in a meeting, picked up the phone sounding serious...and I was expecting him to say that he can't talk. But he did leave the meeting room and said "I'm out now. Anything?" Told him that boys wanted to speak to him, and passed the phone to S5 and then S8. When I took the phone...I just said Bye and ended the call.
So...another calm day.... until his next visit, I guessed.
For all I know, H is sweet-talking both me and OW. *sigh* Yes, I know that I am ASSuming now...but I am not really making a big deal out of these things to him...but verbalising it over here and to my close gf
Good for you for not verbalizing this to H. That is a big step for you So when will H be visiting again? Will you ever have H spend the weekend at home?
Keep doing what you are doing....twang!
M:43 H:37 D14 (ours) D18 (mine) S22 (mine) S18 (his) S: 10/2004 Bomb: 2/15/05 In/out of home Living with OW #4 Talks of D for 2-1/2 years
I agree with KDK that was a big achievment for you not to say anything but as you know you can't obsess over something that you are thinking b/c it may not be real. If he wants to prove he can make things right well let him and give him the time and space he needs. His attitude has certainly changed, he always seems to have time for you when you ring so remember these positives and keep moving forward and dont stress the OW as you don't know, I know its hard but you can do it...>KDU
Yoyo, you are going great. Must be all that nagging over the rubber band. WAH may be sweet talking OW ~ then again, he may not. You cannot control that.
But you can control your interactions with him, and you are doing this so well. So keep focusing, biting your tongue, and twanging that rubber band.
Is your holiday next week? Mauritius sounds exotic. Grab yourself some hot swimwear. (Just hope your swimwear shop is less stressful than mine ~ reprioritised gym membership to top of the list ).
Kismet/KDU/KDK - Thanks for dropping by to check on me. It's been the same. Nothing much happening.
Journalling... Yesterday (Thursday), forwarded an email from our agent, including a short note from moi. And H replied and said that he now feels that we shouldn't sell the property, and that will talk to me when he comes back next time. Later, when I got home, saw that H has got a tax refund. So, texted him to let him know plus a couple of things. H texted back and said that he'll call me later. Well, not that I was really waiting...but he didn't call.
Next day (Friday), i.e. today, I texted H to let him know about some money stuff. H texted back and said that he'll call me when he gets into the office. Me: Please email. Don't want to argue. H: Argue what? I'll call you.
So, H called...we didn't really talk much..the usual How are you? How are the boys? And asked me to let him now how much he had to transfer to the bank account for the property in question. And said that he'll talk to me again tomorrow. And I did email him on the money stuff. And later sent him another email about the boys. So far, no news... Not gonna dwell onto all this.
Am gonna have a quiet nite to do my reading tonight...and I have got the weekend all planned out. Saturday * yoga at 8.30 am * salon pedicure at 11.00 am * lunch with girlfriend at 12 noon * bikini waxing at a salon to get ready for my holiday
Sunday...gonna hang out at the mall whole day with my boys. * breakfast * bowling * Movie "Sky-High" * Late lunch * Craft Time/Story Time at the Bookshop * Dinner ???
as Kismet says both are correct!)
) when she said that if you were distant and cold in the marriage that you could open up a little to H and you just did and looks like you got a positive response. I too was distant and thought I was wonder woman who had to do everything and put H last. I've somewhat opened up to H about my feelings, but not in a nagging way (make sense?) I've seen a little response from him.
So when will H be visiting again? Will you ever have H spend the weekend at home?
