Hi YoYo, I've been trying to keep up with you but not having much time to post. I read your post on my thread, and thought I'd respond here. you mentioned:
Quote: I have to remind myself constantly to be patient and not PUSH too hard. I have some ppl who tells me that although I don't want to sound too PUSHY, I should give subtle signals to H that I do want him back. On one hand, I am trying to NOT pursue and practice the LRT, but on the other hand, want to practise AS-IF. Those are two extremes... I am trying to find a middle ground.
I think the middle ground is very important. i think the advice to let H know you are still interested is right on target. It's so hard to convey that without being clingy and pursuing. That said, somewhere in my stuff, I have a post from Michelle that i printed out. It addresses the issue of pursuit...and I found it very helpful. In a nutshell, what it says that the important thing is to "Do Something Different"....that if your spouse has seen you in the past as the clinging, dependent, etc., then NO pursuit is the guideling...a 180 in effect. She specifically says "if however, distance has been in problem in your r, if your spouse has perceived you to be cold, uncaring, and felt uncared for, then some limited pursuit maybe just what the doctor ordered". I cant say how many hows I spent considering this.
In my sitch, my H truely believed that I didnt want him...i was the model of the distant, controlled, doing-my-thing on my own woman. Many people who know me here on the board wouldnt see it that way, because I had to be pushed to step away from H some after the bomb (yeah, I kinda stuck like glue then) but the fact is that over the history of our M, I shut him out of my life more and more, and we grew apart. so, in my case, I had to do some limited pursueing. I even asked H once about that, and he said that he was convinced I didnt care, that I had to go to extremes if I wanted him, and that he would have just "walked" if I hadnt, he was ready to.
so, I believe the important thing as you search for the middle ground is to consider, would your H view you as "dependent" or "distant", and devise your strategy accordingly, with the goal of doing it differently.
sorry to ramble, hope maybe there's a tidbit that might be helpful.
