Yoyo, Happy Birthday for yesterday. Glad you enjoyed yourself. Love those school concerts, hope your little monkey enjoyed himself.
Apparently H called but couldn't hear the ring..must be US girls singing "I WILL SURVIVE" toooo loudly. LOL
A friend sent me an email of this song rewritten, love it especially the line: "Now I'm saving all my lovin' for a cordless multi-speed"
Is H missing you? Yes, definately. Should you call him. I don't know. I never know how to do this, so if in doubt, I don't call. Hey lets face it, I never call at all. But, you know your H best.
Yoyo - you seem to be in a better place again. Moving away from those ventings. And remember that it's not bad DBing to detach and remove yourself from him emotionally. That's GOOD DBing. And good DBing always means having dignity, which you have definitely shown in the past couple of days.
Dear Fellow Sista Goddesses...I think my PMS is starting to set-in. THough it's not going downhill as fast, I think I can feel that I am not at a PMA max. But still generally happy and positive.
Journalling...(Another naughty R-rated journal ) Friday, H called again at about 8.30 pm. Inquired about our whereabouts, and spoke to the boys. Got home, texted H. Me: Call me at about 9.10 pm. H: Why?? What's wrong?? Me: Nothing is wrong! If there's anything urgent, I would have called you immediately, not wait half an hour. Nothing. Nevermind. Nite! H: How about i call you at abt 9.30...just before you ***...wanna hear you moaning!! give you 20 mins to make yourself h@#ny n w@t!! Just like old times... Me: Can't! Boys are sleeping with me tonight...in exchange for not opening any presents. H: In that case, i'll call u tmrw night. Still wanna hear you moan tmrw. Sure you don't wanna take a faceless picture of your brazillian for me?? Me: U want pics? I can send you some. Not of me though..of some transexuals. Before and after operation. Very graphic. By the way, FYI, it's more like the Brazilian Amazon Rainforest now ( ). My next appt is on the 8th. Have to admit that all this talk is making me a bit h@#ny. H: Actually, more interested with a close-up w#t c@#t n c#$t. All these talk is making me h%^ny more. Why don't you put the boys to sleep then sneak out and p#@y with urself. Call me when u r nice n w#t!! Me: It's gonna take a while...don't want the boys to follow me and ask "Mommy! What is your pants doing down??" H: put your hands in now n when u r w#t n about to c^&*, just got to the other room and call me. I'm really b@# now!!! Okay...needless to say, I snuck out, called him and we had phone s@x and . Then after our call ended, got a text from H. H: Nite nite....i want a picture of your w@t c&*t!! Guessed that was my birthday pressie from H???
This morning, Monday... H IMed me. Told me that he has seen S5's pics. That he was a cute boy blah blah blah. I asked him about my monthly allowance, and he mentioned that he's in the midst...blah blah blah, told me to check my account online. Brought up about the TODS handbag and he obviously don't remember it OR he actually thought that he told OW about the bag rather than me... Oh well... he had to go off so we didn't continue our IM session. So, we'll see how it goes for the rest of the week.
Yoyo - Please I apologise if you thought I was being harsh, I didn't mean to be. It was just that you sounded so frustrated and seemed to be Yoyoing up and down, so I was only trying to get you back on track, that is all. That's why I thought a read thru of the book might help to centre you again. As for what you do with H we can only offer suggestions but you know the sitch better than what your words can portray so only you know what will work for you. I truly think it sounds like your H is interested and he is making alot of contact. I just don't want to see all this hard work make you go backwards like it did me. So again sorry if I offended you....KDU
So again sorry if I offended you....KDU NO..you didn't offend. I know what I was doing was kinda suicidal in a way. But I think some things needs to be done to see what our WAS is feeling. If there's some positives/baby steps...it will give us some encouragement? If not, to decide to continue to be patient or to evaluate that it's time to give-up and move on....
MAYBE a slight backslide this AM. After my last IM session with H. I texted H. Me: Got an email from the bank. $ transferred but have not checked online as it's too slow. The remainder $ ? Thanks! Really Appreciate it! H: WIll transfer another $ tmrw. Me: Okay. What about your credit cards? Do you want me to pay on ur behalf? Think XYZ Card is due on Wed. H: I have the $$ but this $ limit is pissing me off!! Me: Its for security. You need to go to a stress relieve class. Everthing seems to be pissing you off. Lucky you don't have to drive or you might end up encased in concrete by some road bullies!! H: Trying to change car...currently driving Accord. Will try to change to a BMW.. Me: Why? So show-off? Might get kidnapped in Country X. Should keep low profile in Country X. Well, it's ur car. Not my place to comment. That was the last text...he didnt' reply. Oh well...what is done is done...we'll see...see if he calls me tonight...i'll try to gauge from his tone of voice and the topics...
Oh..by the sounds (topics discussed) in our IM session this morning, and this car changing business...doesn't seem like he is planning to ask us to go live with him in Country X. Sound more geared for a "bachelor" lifestyle... But not gonna let it bring me down...DETACH! DETACH! DETACH! Okay...feeling slightly better....
Journalling... From my last post, I got a call from our mobile phone provider informing of our outstanding bill. I texted H "Mobile Provider called me. Did they call you? Anyway, money in account. Thanks again". Got a reply text from H telling me that he will sort the bill out when he comes back this weekend.
Later in the evening around 8.30 pm, texted H ( Seems like frequent texting but adhering to the philosophy of providing LIGHT on the boys !! ) Me: S5's eyes are swollen. Will take him to the doctor tmrw if still not okay. S8's exams starts tmrw too. But not studying...watching tv instead. Call house phone now to talk to boys. H called like almost immediately. Spoke to both S5 and S8 and then to me. Light convo...told me he got the BMW from the leasing company. Some chit-chat about the car and why he's requested a BMW blah blah blah.... Said good night and reminded him about more $$ transfer tomorrow.
Later in the night...H called again. This time he said that I should call him back. I did. And we had a long long talk. Some R talk, some work talk, some s@x talk...Can't remember the order.. H: Do you still love me or not? Me: Why are you asking me that question? H: Just want to ask. You still love me or not? Despite of everything that's happened, will you move here if I ask you to? Me: Ask me when you've really decided. Blah blah blah... H went on to describe the house that he rented...3 bedrooms with a pool in the backyard, 2 maid's quarters blah blah blah. House comes furnished, and asked "what do you intend to do with the furniture over in the house now? Don't think there is space for them over here". Blah blah blah... H: Just so that you don't say that I am getting your hopes up but I will go to the International school either tmrw or day after. House is about 5 minutes from the school. That is if I got the right school...says Elelmentary. What is elementary? S5 and S8 will be in elementary, right? Blah blah blah... Let him talk most of the time. But I did get emotional and cried and, H: Why are you crying? I thought you are sooo over me? Me: You know me...watching cartoons make me cry! Somewhere along the line.. Me: I don't want you to ask us there because you've asked her and she refused to go. H: If I asked her, she would come. BUT that's not the point. And, I swear on my grandmother's grave that she wasn't here the other day. Besides, it's not a matter of who comes over first will have me. Me: (ROlling my eyes...with tears of course...wanted to say..go to her then...but bit my tongue) I am thinking of the boys. What happens if you decide that you want us over, and then we move over, and then you decide otherwise? The boys' schooling will be out of whack. H: Once I ask you to move here, I will not think otherwise. There is no turning back. I will sort things out after the Muslim holidays. I have to travel to US and Europe during then for some training.Blah balh blah..If all goes well, you'll have to come over to see the house to see what to bring and what not to bring. The relocation company told me that the last time when I moved my stuff, only used 10% of my allocation. So, still can move quite a lot over. Then H went on to ask if I will still have my job....Do I think that I have good prospects with my current company blah blah blah... Told him yes, and he seems to feel that I should stay with my job if I can't get anything in Country X...asked me about who's gonna look after the boys if I do work in COuntry X blah blah blah. Told him that I will decide and plan, when he has sorted out himself, and ask me to move for sure. Some other parts of his words...(not in order) H: At least I am trying, right? I am doing everything that forces me to do the right thing. H: If we do get back together, you have to thank PY (his old colleague). He said just think of your priorities, and you'll know what to do. Everytime I feel my mind straying of somewhere, I think of PY. But, if I decide otherwise, also his fault...LOL...PY is like either decision also he has a say. H: She's not pregnant. I am very sure of that. If she is, you think I'll be here talking to you?
Our last chat before we ended the call.. Me: I let the cat out of the bag to C (girlfriend who's was H's old classmate) about us having s@x the last time you were back. And she was so shocked and kept on asking "I thought you told me he stayed in the hotel. How did that happen? Tell me how on earth can that happen?" H: (LOL) Me: Yeah... I kept it from her for two weeks and only told here yesterday cause I knew she would scold me. H: (LOL) Did you tell her we had phone s@x last night? Me: No!!! She'll be really angry with me. H: (LOL)...You gonna p!@y? Call me when you are almost there...Later Well, we had a couple of exchanges of texts about the pool whether if cleaning it is included in the rental, if we could have "fun" out there..blah blah blah. Then H called me "So, are you almost there?" And then later after this second call, H texted " Not sure if this is gonna help. Just wanna say i love you. nite nite."
Okay...Analysing DBING STYLE... Lots of Positives from H, I think...but not gonna get overly excited. So far, my action orientated goals are sort of achieved.. - H making first daily contact - H calling at least once a day - H "brought-up" the possibility of me visiting the house
Other Mini-Goals.. - If H really visits the International School to find out about admission for S5 and S8
You can imagine my yoyo-ing mixed emotions of elation and apprehension of the current happenings in my sitch. Please pray for me that I have the strength to go through all these yoyo-ing episodes....
p/s So far, no contact from H today...but it is only 10 am.
H: Do you still love me or not? Me: Why are you asking me that question? H: Just want to ask. You still love me or not? Despite of everything that's happened, will you move here if I ask you to? Me: Ask me when you've really decided.
YES! Don't let him pull your string, Yoyo. That seems like his favorite game. Stay friendly and happy and let his actions speak louder than his words.
Other Mini-Goals.. - If H really visits the International School to find out about admission for S5 and S8
That'd be a good start...
Stop WaitingFeel EverythingLove AchinglyGive ImpeccablyLet Go
That's it yoyo keep doing what you are doing and listen to bb. Your H is definatley making moves be nice but don't let your defences down too quick make him work at it...but it does sound good lots of positives...KDU
Yoyo, I don't have any advice for you as I think I would find it so hard to be where you are right now. I guess he is "talking the talk", now he has to "walk the walk".
Just wanted to know I am thinking of you. Stay strong
But not gonna let it bring me down...DETACH! DETACH! DETACH! 
Okay...feeling slightly better....
)
And then later after this second call, H texted " Not sure if this is gonna help. Just wanna say i love you. nite nite."