Still Yoyo-ing About #3

[KimDownUnder]

Yoyo slap on the wrist for you. You told H not to call you and now you are upset that he hasn't. You didn't truly know anything about OW but yet you bought her up. What if he hasn't had any contact with her and by you mentioning her and acting all funny he things mmmm I will ring OW now. Yes Yoyo you are being naughty but hey I do know why it is b/c you are getting impatient again and wanting a reaction out of H. You texting him 3 times over rubbish things was b/c you couldn't get him out of your head and they seemed like good excuses at the time all you are doing though is annoying your H and pushing him away which is not what you want to do. This is all part of the rollercoaster but the 1st thing you must learn is not to play games as you can lose. Don't do things to get a reaction out of H. You know that the less you do the more they come towards us but the more you do the futher they pull away, think about it and you will see I am right. Now Yoyo your H has been showing you signs of reconciliation for awhile now and for some reason every time he shows you he is getting closer and being nice to you, you go and blow it ask yourself why. Now I dont mean for this to be harsh Yoyo you know I don't but I just wanted to point out to you all the stuff you already know as you seem to have forgotten. This is a hard journey and it is only b/c we are so desperated and lonely that we do the wrong thing and we have all done it so don't beat yourself up about it just try and get those DB shoes back on and start again. This time it is you YoYo so change your approach my dear b/c you can you have before, keep busy to keep your mind off him. If you get the urge to ring or text him go and do something else until it passes.((((())))))KDU

[yoyogirl]

Anna, Kismet and KDU - Looks like I am getting a whacking from my fellow DBers this round. I agree that I am on a confrontational streak Seriously, I am really really sick of all these lies and empty promises. I would be fine, if he keeps things cordial and friendly minus all these empty promises. If he would have told me straight that YES, he is leaving me for OW etc etc, and can we please be friendly blah blah blah, I would still be able to compose myself. BUT..to tell me "please don't worry, I will put things right" and then go and drive OW's car to bring my kids around...THAT I just cannot tolerate! It is like he is really messing up with my feelings, and I really cannot cannot tolerate that kind of nonsense. I know that I have thrown DBING principles out the window, but lately, I feel that I am quite invincible that I shouldn't take this crap from H. It may backfire on me, and I may have to pay for it later for all these blunders...but I think it will take a few days to go back to my normal DBING self.

Journalling...
Okay...after my numerous "rubbish" texts yesterday, got a text from H at about 4 pm. All he texted was "Tried calling but went to voice mail. Will try again later. Trying to rush back for the big match". Well, he didn't try calling again. Sent him an email to try to get him to clarify all the practical stuff, i.e. $$, sale of car, banking account for transfers, credit cards, etc etc.

Today (Monday), H called my mobile 3 times. I missed them because I was at a meeting. Finally, I sent him an email informing him that I was in a meeting. After the meeting, I checked my email. H replied, but all he said was "Will sort out everything when I come back the following week. Missing you and the boys". I didn't reply.
H called at about 7.30 pm. Was having dinner at my parents' place so didn't chat long. He was the airport trying to catch a plane. Asked me some stuff and I told him that I really don't want to listen anymore. H said he'll call me at home later and ended the call.
Some texts between H and I:
First text from H: Told you to let it be for a few months. I'm already missing all of you already. Hope things will be better between us in a month or two...probably after the Muslim holidays
Second text from H: FYI...I'm in flight XYZ. Depart 1940 Arrives 2240.
Me: What's with the flight details? In case of disaster and I am to claim insurance? Anyway, like I said, do what you want. Just spare me the empty promises. And pls keep your skank away from my kids. Appreciate you reply to my email.
H:Yes...just in case. Firstly, I never even thought having the boys meet her. Secondly, I never made any promises to anyone. Like I said, I miss u n the boys. Up to you to believe or not. Boarding soon...
Me: Telling me not to worry is an empty promise. Telling me that you are sending the movers-in is an empty promise. I feel that you are so wishy-washy that at the end, it will be me who has to decide for you. If it makes you feel better, she can have you.

Next thing was H called me on my mobile. We had a chat...
asked me how was my weekend, went on to talk about a pool table that he wants to fit into the rented home, blah blah blah..also, about where the new home would be..close to the international school...
H: Can't we chat like this?
Me: I am not your friend.
H: Who says you are my friend (with a smile)
Me: I want to start burning the letters (letters H wrote waaay back when we were courting 17 years ago)
H: Why? Makes you feel better?
Me: Yeah...want to burn one a week.
H: How about me writing you letters?
Me: That will be the day. You, writing letters? Can't even reply my email.
H: I will reply the email. And why can't I write letters?
Me: You? Get a piece of paper, write, and put a stamp on it and take it to the post office? You won't
H: WHy not? I did it last time
Me: That was last time. You are not the same person.
H: I won't sent email cause you will just click DELETE.
Me: I am tired. Aren't you tired? I don't think that I can wait till CNY...figured that if I burn one letter a week, by that time..
H: How about after the Muslim holidays?
Me: Well, after I come back from Phuket then
H: When are you going?
Me: November
H: What's happening then? Just three of you?
Me: School holidays and yes, just the 3 of us.
H: Just asking...for the sake of asking..before you say that I am giving empty promises.. What is elementary? Would S8 be in elementary? The apt that I am getting is near the International Elementary School...blah blah blah
H then had to end the call as he was boarding a flight and said that he will text me on arrival.

Well, guessed my "tantrums" or "confrontational episode" didn't scare him off...instead he was kinda flirty, chatty and friendly.

One Day at a TIME!!!!

[kaydeekay]

Hi Yoyo...I'm in the agreement with the others. I know you suspect that H is still seeing OW but you don't that for sure. So why pick a fight with H about OW....when you do this you are letting OW have control over you. Don't do this to yourself. F*ck the OW....she does not exist - just tell yourself that. If you can't have a positive convo with H, it may be best that you don't talk or text him for awhile, unless of course it's about the boys. I know you think H is making empty promises but maybe he's not. It really does sound as though H is beginning to miss you; however, with your sarcastic remarks the OW may start to look better to H than you.

I'm sooooo sorry if I sound harsh or mean...I just want you to be happy and back with your H. Once you put OW out of your mind it gets a helluva lot easier sister. ((((hugs)))

[yoyogirl]

KDK

I'm in the agreement with the others
I know that what I've been doing is BAD in the DBING sense. But I guessed I want to flush out all the stuff (negatives, whatever...) out in the open and let H see that life is NOT going to be perfect, even if decides to come back. I WILL still be remembering about the A. I don't want him to have FALSE impression that all will be hunky-dory should he decide to recommit. I think I really need him to see that because frankly, I am a little afraid of the outcome that I've been yearning-for for ages. I am not defending my BAD DBING ACTIONS, but let me lay out the cards.
A) If H decides to leave us. How will my life change? Basically, NO Changae .... I will still live in my nice house, have my two kids, have my wonderful friends, my loving family, my good job with fairly good pay and company car, my monthly allowance for the boys upkeep, still in my home country. Boys still go the neighbourhood school, boys see their dad once a fortnight (well, that's what's happening..and frankly..because for the last one year that he hasn't really been a father, they haven't really asked for him)

B) If H wants to recommit and wants us to be with him. WHat will change?
For one, I will have to crack my head and decide what I want to do with the house...rent it out and let the tenants trash it or sell it and have no home when I come home. I will have to give up my job, my friends, my family to move to Country X. Boys will have to leave their friends, their beloved grandparents, and get uprooted to go to an international school (to which they will probably not be able to go back to the neighbourhood school again - due to language differences). And all this giving-up for a H that does not want to acknowledge that there will be hard work. Or a H that may still be missing OW, and just using our presence to TRY to forget OW and move on. WHAT if he can't? I would have given UP soooo much, and be d@mn miserable in a foreign country!!
So, since he's already gone, might as well let him feel and see reality of how I really am. No point of me pretending to be NICe when I feel UN-nice. he he he h..

why pick a fight with H about OW Yes...yes... I know I should lay off the OW business,. But he he he ..it is sooooo tempting.

H is making empty promises
You know how frustrating this is???? It's like someone tells a child "I am going to give you a BIG lollypop" and he see the lollypop being waved in front of his face. He extends his hand out, and then that person retracts it and put the lollypop away. What do you think the child would feel??? Well, this is how I feel. I could still be nice and sweet if occurs once or twice...my god, in my case..it's uncountable (if there is such a word..)

however, with your sarcastic remarks the OW may start to look better to H than you.

oh..I think that OW makes sarcastic remarks too... Anyway, as per my earlier typings... will make him evaluate more. If after all my sarcastic remarks, and he still runs back, then, I guess his sincerity is more credible. If I am sugar and spice, and he runs back..his sincerity may not be the real deal???

Journalling...
Anyway, we have been very very cordial since my "rubbish" texts on Monday. I think I posted that he called me and was kinda flirty. WHen he arrived at his destination, he did call me to tell me that he had arrived. I was already asleep but did have a few minutes of casual chat.

The next day (Tuesday), he did IM me and called me again later. Nothing much...the usual "how are you?" and told me to be careful (as I was driving alone back - after a dinner function with coworkers) and mentioned that he's off white-water rafting tmrw (Wed).

Wed (today)... called me early am. And then in the afternoon...asked about S5's concert on Sunday and said that he would try to get back blah blah blah. Called me again at my mom's in the evening. Spoke to the boys and then to me.
H: Am trying to get back this weekend for the concert.
Me: Why? It's kinda expensive, isn't it? Plus your flight time doesn't seem right.
H: Trying to get a different airline.
Me: What about your passport? Got it already?
H: No, not yet..hoping to get it either tmrw or Friday.
Me: Ok. I still say NO need.. I will send you video clips.
H: I want to come back. Cause the next few weekends will be busy and won't be able to come back. Anyway, can't I miss you and the boys?
Me: yeah..Right (yes.. I know very sarcastic, but the urge to mention OW was very very great but manage to bite my tongue)
H: I will be back. See you on Sunday.
Me: Whatever..
H: Can you please not say whatever?
Me: Then say what?
H: Say SEE YOU.
Me: Okay, see you. Bye (my eyes obviously rolled to high heaven)
H: Bye

So,...fellow DBers....I bit my tongue as hard as I could.

Gotta go...

[kismet]

Hey Yoyo, I do understand why you feel the way you do. It just struck me that there should be a 3rd option: if H wants to reconcile, why can't he move back? It seems to me that you would be putting everything on the line and all those changes would put an added strain on the relationship. Is there a reason why he can't move back? Excuse my nosiness, it just seems to be the easier solution.

Keep biting that tongue

[KimDownUnder]

Yoyo you know I love you and this is said with the utmost understanding to your sitch but WTF are you doing????
You were so much more in control a while back and that is why I am being hard on you now. Go back and read what you were like, read the advice you gave others on OW. You know better than this YoYo. I think it is time for you to re-read the book. You are not validating him, you are not acting as if, you have to act nice around him show him what he is missing. You are not meant to be difficult. Does this make sense YoYo I hate to see you like this as you are so much better than this, you really are starting to sound tired of all this, re-read the book I think it will set you on the path again. Look after yourself YoYo and I really hope you have taken what I have said the right way as I don't want to hurt you....KDU

[yoyogirl]

Kismet - No, don't think that he could move back if he wants to reconcile. His work contract in Country X is for two years. Plus the pay is really good compared to what he was getting previously. Plus, I don't think he "dares" to come back. His willpower is not really good? Yes, I know that giving up everything and moving to Country X sounds not such a great deal for me. But I think that's what needs to happen is we are to be a family again.

KDU - I know that I am not practicing DBING principles anymore. Yes, I am sick and tired of all his indecisiveness. But more importantly, I am really quite enjoying my life now. And I do feel stronger. Well, I admit that I was at a confrontational streak the last few days, but I really want H to think HARD if he wants to reconcile. Because giving up my life here at my HOME country is a big big sacrifice and H really needs to come back to me realising that rebuilding our marriage WILL be hard work. Not the sugar and spice, and bed of roses. For your info, I've not been nasty to him. Not exactly DBING, but certainly not being cold, just matter of factly type of speaking. Don't think I've really mentioned about OW the last few days either....

Journalling...Needs to be Rated R??
Thursday... H texted in the evening to give me his flight details back to Country X. Called the home phone...went to the fax because was in the bathroom. Then he called my mobile and inquired where I was. Told him that I was in the shower...had some brief chit-chat. Asked me about the boys, and if they missed him blah blah blah. TOld me his flight is delayed. Then we ended the call.
I went to tuck the boys in bed and then sent him something about the boys. H texted back.
H: So cute. Missed all of you. Now I wished I have some nudy picture of you!! Can look at it when playing with myself!! Wanna send me some?? ( )
Me: No way!!!
H: So angry!!! How about NO FACE.Only the brazilian bit?? (:o)
I didn't reply.
3 Hours later...another text from H to tell me that he had arrived and wished me good night.

This morning (Friday),
H called me up and told me that he couldn't come back...blah blah blah. As usual, told the boys that he could do this and that...and now, gonna disappoint them again. This is what I hate...giving empty promises to the boys. He hears their excitement when he tells them that he is going back. WHat he doesn't hear their disappointment when I break the news to them. I was very calm when he told me that he couldn't come back this week or next or ..till middle of next month. Told him that I will be away from the 12th to the 16th, and the boys will be off with my parents too that weekend. And then he said "Oh..in that case, I will try to come back next week." Told him that he needs abit of planning to get the cheap airfare. Ended the call.
SEnt him a text not long later "Don't worry about the boys. I will know how to explain to S5. Besides, S8 has to study for his exams anyway. Appreciate you TT the dosh though".
Later...some IM exchanges about $$$. No, I didn't make any sarcastic remarks...Was all about practical issues. No news from H thereafter...

Basically, I know KDU would disagree, but think I've been behaving quite well. in terms of H anyway..

Little GAL...
- Work has been great...challenging... exciting..am handling a whole new project.
- Went out dinner at a swanky restaurant with bosses and some guests tonight
- Birthday this weekend... all planned out...tomorrow
* yoga in the AM
* Brunch with Girlfriends
* BBQ Dinner at my Parents' Place
* Karaoke Night Out with the Girls
-Sunday...S5's Concert at his Kindy
- Perhaps a Facial Plus Manicure/Pedicure in the Afternoon??

One Day at a TIME!!!!

[kaydeekay]

Yoyo-Glad to here you are doing better since the last posts. I see you are doing your mini-goals again...good! Keep on GALing, it seems to pique H's interest So, did you end up sending that naughty pic to H? Make him fantasize and yearn for it

[kismet]

Good on you Yoyo! Esp not replying to the "no face, just the brazilan" request. Sounds like he was after you to react! Nice to know he is thinking of you. (maybe send him a photo of ugly fat hairy naked guy to totally do his head in)

Enjoy your birthday! Sounds like a full but relaxing weekend.

[yoyogirl]

KDK, Kismet..Thanks for checking out on me...Yes, been a full Saturday, and did go to S5's concert this morning,..checking int on the BB before my facial appointment in an hour's time. Can nap then. Really almost dozing off at the keyboard.

Journalling..
Friday night...after my last post, before I went to bed, I sent H a short text (I know..not being very dark, am I).
H: What's happened to your back?? I'm in Karaoke with customer. Serious when I said i missed you n the boys.
Me: Bet you sang "My Way". Sprained it somehow. Killing me...Will send you video clips of S5.
H: Yes i did!! pls take a panado. Just have to say i love you. Nite nite.
Didn't reply after this text from H. Don't know how to.

Saturday, I went for my yoga, got home, showered and got ready for one of my girlfriends to pick me up for the brunch. H called.
H: Hi. What are you doing?
Me: Waiting to be picked up for brunch.
H: With who?
Me: Some friends.
H: How are the boys?
Me: They are good. Just this morning when I called them, couldn't recognize S8's voice and I asked "Where are my two monsters?" and S8 piped-up and said "I AM ONE of your monsters!!". LOL
H: LOL ..Okay..Call you later. Bye
Me; Bye.

Later in the afternoon. H texted.
H: I was so bored that I watched a movie on my own!
Me: Pls call your son to explain why you couldn't attent his concert, as he doesn't believe me when I told him that you won't be attending.
H: Okay. Will Call tonight.

H called in the evening..and talked to the boys..overheard S5 asking him "Are you stuck there forever?...Thought that was kinda cute. Then H spoke to S8 and then back to me. Asked if I was going out later tonight.... "Yeah!!" was my reply

Went out karaoke with girlfriends... Sunday 12.30 am(passed midnight..officially MY Birhtday! Yaaayy...) Got a text from H.
H: Are you home already? Will call u tmrw. Moving in the morning. Nite nite.
Me: Not yet. Will leave here at 1 am. Nite.
Apparently H called but couldn't hear the ring..must be US girls singing "I WILL SURVIVE" toooo loudly. LOL. Cause I got another text.
H: Tried calling but no answer. Wanted to wish u happy birthday. Be careful when u go home. Call me if u want.
Next thing...H called again. Wished me happy birthday. Told me to be careful when I go home blah blah blah. It was kinda noisy...so, didn't really talk.

This morning (Sunday)..
H called about 9.30 AM...to speak to S5 about his concert. We didn't talk long as I was driving.
H called again around 1 PM when we were having lunch/
H: How was the concert?
Me: Wait. You talk to S5. Here..(passed phone to S5)
S5 spoke to H for abit and then said"Bye!" and ended the call.
H redialed and called again.
H: How come S5 just end the call?
Me: Don't know..habit, I guessed.
H: How was the concert?
Me: It was good. S5 was the last monkey jumping on the bed...so I think he must be real tired now!!
H: Is it (LOL)?
Me: Will send you the video clips.
H: How are you going to convert the format.
Me: Don't worry..I'll do it and send it to you.
H: Okay. BYe
Me; BYe

Okay, now I'm back home, I've uploaded the photos and video clips from the camera to my computer, and have sent them to H. Then texted him a short text "Already sent the video clips. But not sure if can get through. Very big. Use Quicktime to view"
H replied "OK... happy birthday again. Really miss you and the boys. Buying cleaning stuff to clean the house today. Call me later if you want. WIll sms u house number".

So, what do you think? He is saying "call me if you want" twice in the last few days. I haven't called him at all. Just texting. Think I will call him much much later today. Let him wait abit. I know the LRT says NO phone calls, but if I don't call, he might think that I am REALLY OVER him. So, that's not good. So, I will call later today...after my facial, and my dinner with my family..

Think he's really missing me??

One Day at a TIME!!!