Yoyo!! You are doing great at detaching. I know how much you miss your H and how much you were dreading his departure, but it really seems like it's given you the distance you need. You aren't taking his bait every time he tries to start things with you. It seems liek you are busy and having fun. I'm happy for you, girl!
Anna/Kismet/KDK/Tambo/BB - You guys are giving me waaaay too much credit for detaching. I was quite a mess on Sunday night.
Sunday AM. I texted H early morning and said that I'll pack the boys' swimming gear so that they could swim at the hotel pool. Also gave instructions to get housekeeping to change the bed-sheets... H called and said that "Nobody is with me". Anyway, I dropped the boys to him (my mom was with me then, so the drop-off could be quick and painless) at 10.00 AM. Went to the mall with my mom. At about noon, H texted: Can you come pick them up at 3 pm. M texted: Huh? So soon? Okay. Will call you when I am almost there H texted: I need to take some visa photos and to cut my hair. I actually thought that he would want to have the boys till dinner, and maybe (stupidly) have dinner together. So, was feeling abit lousy (I know..not detaching that well).
At 3 pm. Went to pick boys up (mom still with me), and went we were about to go, H said "call you later". I just nodded and was pretending to read a catalogue (my mom drove). In the car, kids told me what they did, and where they went...in a BMW!!! Instantly, OW's car came to my mind. I tell you, I was really really upset. I immediately text H "I specifically told you that I don't want my boys to be exposed to lowlifes, and being in her car belongs to that category. If you want to continue to see the boys, please adhere to my wishes. Thanks. And I hope housekeeping changed the sheets". H called me about 5 minutes later: H: Firstly, she did not stay over. Secondly, it is not her car. It is a friend's car. Up to you whether you want to believe or not. Me: I don't believe you. How many friends do you have with a BMW, and would lend it to you in such short notice? H: Yes, it's a friends. And I don't have the car anymore. Up to you to believe or not believe. Me: Whatever. Bye.
Hung around at my mom's. About an hour later (4.30 pm), H called my mobile again. I let it go to voicemail. Then he called my mom's. Told my mom to tell him that I am having a nap. At about 5.48 pm. H called my mobile again, and I answered and told him that I was busy and can't talk. Ended the call. He called a minute later, and again I told him that I was busy and really can't talk. H called again at 6.13 pm when I was already at home, and this time we had a longer convo. H: What's wrong? What happened? Me: I don't think that you should call me anymore. A separation is a separation. H: What's wrong. We were fine the last week. Me: I don't to hear all the empty promises. I don't want to be your friend. H: Why? I want to keep you updated on things. Me: I really don't want to hear anymore. H: I meant what I said the other day, about making things right. If I ask you to move to Country X, would you? Me: When you are serious first, then we talk. H: Okay, what if I ask the movers to come next week. WOuld you move? Me: I don't know. I don't know. Anyway, I can't talk. I have to go. (Really had to do some stuff for my mom)
20 minutes later, H called again... Almost same convo, and then.. H: Would you come if I ask you to? Me: I don't know. I would have to talk to my boss. H: You mean you will have a job there? Me: Maybe H: (Smiling) I'm really happy if you still have your job. Would you be okay if you work and the boys are looked after by the nannies? Me: I don't know. Ask me when you are sure. H: Okay. When did you say that the boys have to attend the admissions interview? When is the deadline? Me: I can't remember. H: Is it compulsory? Me: I guessed. But not sure. H: Can they enter in the second semeste? Me: I don't know. H: Have you eaten? Me: No. H: Why don't you dress up and come over to the hotel and we can have dinner together.. Me: Already cried my eyes out and I look horrible. Blah blah blah... H: I come home to see you. Me: No. No. Don't. H: I'll take a cab. Bye.
Ten minutes later, he called again. I just came out of the shower, and H said "I'm already in the cab. Will be there in 10 minutes. Get ready!!!"
I hate to say it, but I succumb to it . After that, we had a short chat and I told him to leave before we start fighting or I start crying... He did..and took my car and his house keys this time (he didn't want to take his house keys when he went off to Country X 10 days ago), and just before he left, he said "Don't worry, okay? I will call you. The next time I call would be to ask you to move to Country X", and gave me a peck on my cheek.
This morning...Monday. I texted to H "It's me. Please don't ask us to move to Country X because you don't want to be alone and that she doesn't want to go. It takes more than that. Think well... You have till CNY. Commitment and rebuilding our marriage would mean NO contact with her, and I know you can't do that. I forgive you but trust would need to be earned, and you don't have the patience. Don't call. Call mom's if you want to talk to boys. I will email/text on issues about boys/house/ finance. Thanks"
Well....so far, no news, no contact, no calls from H. I know that I am rather silly to send the last text. But I think H needs to realise that it needs a lot more commitment on his side for us to UPROOT to another country. I don't want to uproot the boys and all, and then H tells me "he isn't sure..." then I'll be real miserable ...away from home and all. I mean, I think we are fine...the times when he is really away. Just think that the emotions for me was a bit overwhelming on this FIRST encounter after our "separation". I feel better now...at least I voiced (or rather typed) out what I want to tell H.
I forgot...in one of our teleconvos H: I am already doing things to get you all over to Country X. Me: You are just saying all these things. H: I said that I'll move, and I did, right? And now I say that I am doing things to get you all over. Me: How can I believe you? 5 months ago, you said that you are gonna leave her. Blah blah blah, and you can't. And up until today, you are still in contact with her, driving her car. H: I told you, it's not her car. I am getting a house for us, okay? Me: The house is one that you find for either her or us. Just before you left, you said you have to find a place, one that is suitable for either her, or us to move over. H: I didn't said that. Me: Yes you did. You said that you will decide who you want to go over. BLah blah blah...
well, basically, he is denying that he said that he will THINK and DECIDE who he wants to move over....
What do you guys make of all these fiasco and drama???
Oh well... One Day at a TIME!!! And TIME will tell...
Okay...not detaching very well... H just texted "How's everything? You okay? Didn't manage to do visa today. Insufficient documents. Try again tmrw". Well, am glad that he's not upset about my text this morning, and is sounding rather normal in his text. I did text back. Let's see if he calls me tonight...or he is adhering to my "don't call" request. He he He... I am feeling abit weird.
Kismet - I know it sounds really really dramatic....like some kind of a soap opera. I have to say that I am very very confused, but am trying to stay calm and not react. I am really all over the place at the moment. Hopefully, in a few days, I will be back to normal. Just have to continue to keep calm till then.
Journalling... H did call me about 10 pm last night. H: Hi! Are you in bed? Me: No. Watching a thriller on Cinemax. H: Okay. Bye then. Me: Bye. Ended the call. He calls me a minute later. H: Hi again! Didn't manage to make my visa. Got to go again tmrw. Soooo many ppl. Like a mob. Quite intimadating actually. The Q for the photocopying is terrible. Me: I thought you've got all copies done. H: Oh that has been given away, and I need more. Told my boss that I will only be at work in Country X on Thursday. He said not a problem, just get him a bottle of whiskey Me: Your boss AJ? Or who? H: Yeah...blah blah. I've got to go to office tmrw. Old office. To sign the "Acceptance of Resignation" letter. They were all joking that technically, I am still their staff since I've not signed the letter. Plus I've got to return the parking card. Oh.. I've got a going away party tonight with L and the gang. Me: Okay (eyes rolling...) H: So, when are you coming back? Me: Tmrw (I've away for work. Left on Monday AM) H: And country X? Me: Yeah, I'm coming back tmrw, and then leaving Wed morning to COuntry X on the 9.20 am flight and leaving on Firday evening. H: Don't think I will be there. Probably will only fly back on Thursday. Maybe I'll see you before you leave or something. Me: OK H: Okay, bye
So.... very calm convo. I know that I told him to NOT CALL, deep down, I don't know what I want now. For him to continue to call and chat with me or to ignore his calls. All these thoughts were racing in my mind the whole night. I really don't know. Maybe I have to go kinda DARK. I know I shouldn't but I was thinking of her staying with him in the hotel. And felt kinda sick. I know I can't control him...but can anyone give me some advice on what to do?????? Please...some advice required.
Yo, YoYo, We're all there. The thought of the OP with the ones that were supposed to be with US for the rest of our lives, Believe me, I know how hard it is to stop the pics.
Maybe you should go dark for a while and see what happens. Set a time frame that you are comfortable with, 3 days, a week, two weeks? Then stick to it. I really don't think it can hurt.
...but can anyone give me some advice on what to do??????
Sure. My advice is, don't worry about it.
I know your sitch has my head spinning with who's in what country when and who's talking to whom and where does Ow fit in the picture and is she even still in the picture and he says he's gonna make it right and...
That's a lot for me to deal with and I'm not in the middle of it like you are. So don't worry about it. You're not going to make or break this sitch in the next few days so don't worry about it. Do your best and then don't worry about it.
Going a bit dark might help you not worry about it, so that would be good. But if you end up instead, don't worry about it. Let this thing settle down some before you get too wrapped around the axle.
I feel for you Yoyo. Things are going a mile a minute in your sitch. Slow 'em down as much as you can, at least in your own head. Good luck!
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And felt kinda sick. I know I can't control him...but can anyone give me some advice on what to do?????? Please...some advice required.