Anna/Kismet/KDK/Tambo/BB - You guys are giving me waaaay too much credit for detaching. I was quite a mess on Sunday night.
Sunday AM. I texted H early morning and said that I'll pack the boys' swimming gear so that they could swim at the hotel pool. Also gave instructions to get housekeeping to change the bed-sheets... H called and said that "Nobody is with me". Anyway, I dropped the boys to him (my mom was with me then, so the drop-off could be quick and painless) at 10.00 AM. Went to the mall with my mom. At about noon, H texted: Can you come pick them up at 3 pm. M texted: Huh? So soon? Okay. Will call you when I am almost there H texted: I need to take some visa photos and to cut my hair. I actually thought that he would want to have the boys till dinner, and maybe (stupidly) have dinner together. So, was feeling abit lousy (I know..not detaching that well).
At 3 pm. Went to pick boys up (mom still with me), and went we were about to go, H said "call you later". I just nodded and was pretending to read a catalogue (my mom drove). In the car, kids told me what they did, and where they went...in a BMW!!! Instantly, OW's car came to my mind. I tell you, I was really really upset. I immediately text H "I specifically told you that I don't want my boys to be exposed to lowlifes, and being in her car belongs to that category. If you want to continue to see the boys, please adhere to my wishes. Thanks. And I hope housekeeping changed the sheets". H called me about 5 minutes later: H: Firstly, she did not stay over. Secondly, it is not her car. It is a friend's car. Up to you whether you want to believe or not. Me: I don't believe you. How many friends do you have with a BMW, and would lend it to you in such short notice? H: Yes, it's a friends. And I don't have the car anymore. Up to you to believe or not believe. Me: Whatever. Bye.
Hung around at my mom's. About an hour later (4.30 pm), H called my mobile again. I let it go to voicemail. Then he called my mom's. Told my mom to tell him that I am having a nap. At about 5.48 pm. H called my mobile again, and I answered and told him that I was busy and can't talk. Ended the call. He called a minute later, and again I told him that I was busy and really can't talk. H called again at 6.13 pm when I was already at home, and this time we had a longer convo. H: What's wrong? What happened? Me: I don't think that you should call me anymore. A separation is a separation. H: What's wrong. We were fine the last week. Me: I don't to hear all the empty promises. I don't want to be your friend. H: Why? I want to keep you updated on things. Me: I really don't want to hear anymore. H: I meant what I said the other day, about making things right. If I ask you to move to Country X, would you? Me: When you are serious first, then we talk. H: Okay, what if I ask the movers to come next week. WOuld you move? Me: I don't know. I don't know. Anyway, I can't talk. I have to go. (Really had to do some stuff for my mom)
20 minutes later, H called again... Almost same convo, and then.. H: Would you come if I ask you to? Me: I don't know. I would have to talk to my boss. H: You mean you will have a job there? Me: Maybe H: (Smiling) I'm really happy if you still have your job. Would you be okay if you work and the boys are looked after by the nannies? Me: I don't know. Ask me when you are sure. H: Okay. When did you say that the boys have to attend the admissions interview? When is the deadline? Me: I can't remember. H: Is it compulsory? Me: I guessed. But not sure. H: Can they enter in the second semeste? Me: I don't know. H: Have you eaten? Me: No. H: Why don't you dress up and come over to the hotel and we can have dinner together.. Me: Already cried my eyes out and I look horrible. Blah blah blah... H: I come home to see you. Me: No. No. Don't. H: I'll take a cab. Bye.
Ten minutes later, he called again. I just came out of the shower, and H said "I'm already in the cab. Will be there in 10 minutes. Get ready!!!"
I hate to say it, but I succumb to it . After that, we had a short chat and I told him to leave before we start fighting or I start crying... He did..and took my car and his house keys this time (he didn't want to take his house keys when he went off to Country X 10 days ago), and just before he left, he said "Don't worry, okay? I will call you. The next time I call would be to ask you to move to Country X", and gave me a peck on my cheek.
This morning...Monday. I texted to H "It's me. Please don't ask us to move to Country X because you don't want to be alone and that she doesn't want to go. It takes more than that. Think well... You have till CNY. Commitment and rebuilding our marriage would mean NO contact with her, and I know you can't do that. I forgive you but trust would need to be earned, and you don't have the patience. Don't call. Call mom's if you want to talk to boys. I will email/text on issues about boys/house/ finance. Thanks"
Well....so far, no news, no contact, no calls from H. I know that I am rather silly to send the last text. But I think H needs to realise that it needs a lot more commitment on his side for us to UPROOT to another country. I don't want to uproot the boys and all, and then H tells me "he isn't sure..." then I'll be real miserable ...away from home and all. I mean, I think we are fine...the times when he is really away. Just think that the emotions for me was a bit overwhelming on this FIRST encounter after our "separation". I feel better now...at least I voiced (or rather typed) out what I want to tell H.
