First off, please accept my apology for being gone for the last month. I have been extremely busy with my WAW being fully moved back into our home, both of us looking for a new house, and just generally being together as a family again. I am not going to go into too much detail, except to say that the principles of DBing work as is evident by what my W told me on the first night we got back together. (As an aside, I too have often wondered why the success stories seemed to be from a few years ago and not more recent. I am glad that I can provide a more contemporary one.)
The main DB principle that worked in my case was to stay strong and continue to or at least try to be my WAWs best friend. The first night we got together I ran to the store to get a few things and she told me to take her car and listen to one particular song. Some of the lyrics were:
Anytime you need someone Somebody strong to lean on Well you can count on me To hold you till the healing is done And every time you fall apart Well you can hide here in my arms And you can count on me To hold you till that feeling is gone
She called me when I was in the car and told me that she thought of me every time she played that song. Later that night she said to me, “I flipped out over the last few months, and you were the only one who stood by me despite what I was doing to you.”
She also told me that she realized that she had many issues going on and it took her a while to figure out that I wasn’t part of those issues but that at first she had bundled me in there. More importantly, that she finally realized that the om was nothing to her but a distraction and that I was the one she truly loved and always has. (A month or so prior she told the om that she was done with him and asked him to stop calling. She told me that he did continue to call a few times but she never answered nor did she respond to him.)
In hindsight, there are a few things I wish I had done differently. A couple of our mutual friends (women) before the separation remained my friends but shunned my W as they were critical of her actions. Now that we are back together it make is very awkward for me to almost be in the middle of that situation. I should have encouraged our friends to remain our friends and not take sides. The same goes for my family as relations between me any my brother have been strained over this and now that my W and I have reconciled I am nervous as to what our first family gathering (probably over the holidays) will be like. Regardless, my W is my W and I will always love her more than anyone else.
I also learned that some of my Ws friends who I was sure were poisoning her against me were in fact quietly encouraging her to return to us. Therefore I would strongly urge you not to jump to conclusions and be weary of your pre-conceived notions.
I would like to extend my thanks to NYsurvivor, Thatguy, Tambo, SahDaddy, GGgoingEZ, Anna, YoYo and especially Pipeliner’s wife who was there for me at the beginning of this mess and WalkingBack who was there for me toward the end of this mess. Of course I also thank EVERYONE on this board besides those I named. I truly don’t know how I could have gotten through these last several months without your support.
To sum it all up, DBing does work. Getting a life, improving things about myself, not pursuing or confronting about the om, and most importantly, being there as a friend, I have no doubt was a big part of my, I mean our success. I am also not embarrassed to mention that pretty much every night I was on my knees to God asking for his help. I am not on my knees every night now, but do try to remember to thank him every once in a while for returning my family.
God bless you all, and good luck!
WAWfighter, signing off
(PS, I’ll keep checking in every so often to read more success stories!)
