Quote: Sacraficing time with her own children, lying through her teeth to me. Who the hell is this?
This is the one thing that I find most confusing about my WAW. Our daughter is still a 1 year old (2 in a few weeks). She used to swoon over her children, now she is willing to give up at least half her time with them (in impending separation/divorce) to be with some 34 year old never-married wife-stealing home-wrecking loser.
And its especially galling when she does have time with them, like on weekends and stuff, and she chooses to cut her time with them short to be with this guy. Some day she will regret her actions, certainly. She is being ruled by another force than what I have seen over the past 13 years.
Its frustrating and heart breaking and confounding all at once....
Quote: After I did my dadly duty comforting and holding her, I suggested that she tell that to her mom next time.
Good job. It's so hard, but they've got to hear this sh*t (that we hear every day). Avery won't tell H this stuff, so he thinks that it doesn't exist. It's more that he's blown her trust so completely that she doesn't want to confide in him. Likely it's the same with your daughter. She can tell you because you have proven yourself worthy of hearing.
I felt a HUGE "grrr" reading your post. Your wife is missing out on a time when they change so fast. Grrr...
I've mentioned it before Anna the fact that our kids feel safe with us, the LBSs. We are solid and strong for them and we have not left. My Ks are the same way, they will let their emotions show completely with me because they know that I am not going anywhere. On my Cs advice, I suggest to them that they tell their mom the same thing, but they truly don't feel safe doing so.
What really galls me is last June W told me, "I'm tired of lying (about seeing him), I'm just not that type of person." Well, BS. She lied to me last night so she could be with him. One of the only things I've ever mentioned about Om is the fact that I will not be her baby sitter while she sees him.
Like I said earlier, I share in your GRRR!
And to you SAHDaddy, my W's Om is a 2 time divorced poor loser who takes advantage of depressed woman to start affairs and breaks up marriages. But then I guess they all are!
Let it go as best as you can. Remember this is sooo typical, as painful as it is. There will be lots more things you see and hear that will hurt. I've been through it so many times that I'm pretty much numb to it--all the lies, the deceitfulness, the down-right blatant disregard for what we & the children might feel. The challenge is always to let it go and keep shining. What good will it do to confront? I mean, sometimes it is good to see if you can crack the fantasy thinking, but for the most part it has created more damage to my sitch and not gotten me anywhere except further away from rebuilding W's feelings towards me. Hang in there. Focus on the positive. Vent here just like you did and keep moving forward. You're doing great. Good Luck!
GG
"You got to know when to hold them, know when to fold them..." The Gambler
Quote: I had a blast with you tonight. I've had a blast with you a lot lately
That was what W told me as I walked her to her apt door and she kissed me goodnight. We did cocktails, dinner, and a movie. I DBd my ars off. She even mentioned a concert next week that she'll check into getting tickets for.
Why the hell then I am so damn depressed the minute I drove away. I know it appears that I am doing well, but I just can't help but think that it is still not going anywhere, especially w/ Om still in the pic.
I'm so sorry she lied to you. Remember you told me the other day that the affair has to die down, die away and there is a period of ending and a period of mourning that goes with that. You don't know what happened there at his house. She could have been there to dump him. They might have had a fight and had an awful time and now she's wondering why in the world she didn't stay home and enjoy the company of her children.
Don't ASSume you know what's going on with her. You don't, you can't. Just count the baby steps - and there are so many.
Keep your cool, let it go, detach lovingly. You might just surprise yourself.
V
Never make someone a priority, who makes you an option.
That was what W told me as I walked her to her apt door and she kissed me goodnight. We did cocktails, dinner, and a movie. I DBd my ars off. She even mentioned a concert next week that she'll check into getting tickets for.
Why the hell then I am so damn depressed the minute I drove away. I know it appears that I am doing well, but I just can't help but think that it is still not going anywhere, especially w/ Om still in the pic.
I know how you feel WAWF. To me it feels like I'm the quarterback on a team with a worthless defense. Our offense can drive down the field and score most every time we have the ball. But when the defense is on the field, they can't stop the other team from scoring too. There's nothing the quarterback can do when it comes to the Om except wait for him to fumble or throw an interception.
Your consistant DBing has to be putting some pressure on Om. He's got to notice it. Keep up the good work and he'll choke eventually. Believe it or not, the game clock is on your side.
Me too. After her narcotic withdrawal crisis, by most outward appearances it would seem like my M is in a better place than it has been in a long, long time; since back way before the bomb dropped. She's sharing parts of her life, I'm doing everything I can to help her out, and she's become more comfortable and more genuine with expressions of caring like telling me to enjoy my run.
And she talks to Om whenever she can and professes her love. So while it's easy to see progress in our R, I don't feel any progress in our M. In reality the progress in the R is a necessary prerequisite to progress in the M. So you're doing very well even if you don't feel it.
And TG, if you keep quarterbacking like that some other team with a respectable defense is going to make you an offer you can't refuse...no matter how loyal you may be to the hometown team.
Stop WaitingFeel EverythingLove AchinglyGive ImpeccablyLet Go
