Wow, I feel like a pro. I got locked out so here I go with a new one. (Not a very imaginative title but I didn’t want to lose anyone!)
Journaling…
So, in the GAL department, I went to a concert Saturday night in the company of a young woman who happened to have back stage passes. I ended up getting the artist’s autograph, as I am a big fan. (Although I really don’t think he was interested in guy’s having back stage passes, if you know what I mean!)
Anyway, Tues a.m. I email W with a little teaser about the autograph. She guessed who it was and called me. When asked how I got it and I mentioned the back stage pass, she asked me how I got the passes. I replied, “Can’t tell you.” Keep in mind this was all a very light fun conversation…at least up until that point. She got upset, started crying, (keep in mind she’s at work) and said, “Why didn’t you ever get back stage passes with me when we were together?” I replied that I had never been offered them before. She began crying more and eventually hung up. WTF!!!???
Within a few minutes I emailed her, “I was just playing, W, didn’t mean to hurt your feelings.” (Before anyone responds, I am sure there are more validating things I could have said, but sometimes I think the simple truth, as was my email, is the best response.) Anyway, she did call Tue night and apologized for her reaction, saying she was happy for me for getting the autograph.)
(As an aside, I got Bob Denver’s autograph at the LA Airport about 30 years ago, I should see if I can find it and get it on E-Bay!)
So on to tonight. It is D5(nowD6s) birthday so ALL of us went out to dinner together. W and I had a great time joking with each other, me listening intently to what she was saying, and overall acting in the same immature fashion that she and I have acted like our whole lives together. I took them to her apartment and when I left, kissed both kids goodnight. W said, “What about a kiss for me, Dad?”
Now, if you knew my sitch you, and I, would be thinking that tomorrow she will go south again. BUT, Friday is S7’s Bday and we are all going out to dinner again, and Saturday is their combined party with both of us being there. Therefore, I don’t think she will slip back this time, wanting to maintain us through these events.
I am really happy right now, although I know not to get my hopes up. I just wish she had never said that BS about being such wonderful friends after D goes through; I think I would feel better. But I know to take em where I can get em, right?
Hey you WAWs on the board, what do you think? (or of course, anyone else for that matter)
You're smokin'. Fair dinkum - this is progress. YOu have evidence that she is having doubts (crying) and you are doing some serious reconnecting. These are not baby steps, they are little athletics steps.
If you really want to push it, let it slip that you went to the show with a woman. Watch her reaction then.
Quote: I just wish she had never said that BS about being such wonderful friends after D goes through; I think I would feel better.
What's our DB creed? Believe half of what you see and nothing of what they say ... it's true in this case. She is very confused and you, my friend, have to play the next part very carefully ... read some stuff on how to respond when it seems the last resort is working eg
Quote: Hi there! When doing the LR, and your spouse sparks some interest, the rule of thumb is NOT to be overly responsive. Michele Weiner Davis says: --Be loving in return, but NOT overly excited or enthusiastic. --Accept some invitations to spend time together, but not all. --Do not ask questions about your future together. --Be vague when asked questions about the changes in you. --Continue to be upbeat. --Do not say, "I love you." --Resist getting into conversations about your marriage. --Beat your spouse to the punch when it comes time to leave an activity.
You need to continue to stay cool until you're absolutely certain that your spouse wants you back. You may get overly excited with your spouse's sudden interest in you. However, don't show it. Continue the LR, and stop pursuing behaviors. If you don't, it will backfire.
Good luck. /Tia
Stay strong you are doing great.
V
Never make someone a priority, who makes you an option.
OK, reporting on the second birthday dinner this week…
No contact whatsoever yesterday. Saw W first thing this morning and she was pretty cold toward me. She then called a couple of times this a.m. discussing tomorrow’s party and money and, still pretty snippy and short with me.
W showed up at the house tonight, (I already had kids) and we headed out to dinner after S8 opened some presents. Night started out with her generally distant, but guess what? She got warmer and warmer as the night went on. I even got another kiss before she drove away. We also made plans to all drive to the party together tomorrow.
Isn’t it amazing that we get so excited just from getting a little kiss from someone we’ve been intimate with hundreds of times?
So the Kids’ party is today and W calls me and asks if she should go get the cake now or could we stop on the way after I pick her up. I was running a little late so I said would you mind getting it now. W gives me a sarcastic thanks a lot. It dawns on me that this was/is a major problem that she has always had. Giving me a choice instead of telling me what she really wants. If she had just said, can we pick up the cake along the way (what we ended up doing anyway) I would have said sure.
Like yesterday’s phone calls about her doing everything for the party, HEY, W, did you ever once ask for my assistance? No, you did not. Have I offered along the way, Yes I have.
Anyway, we had a good time at the party and I made sure I complimented her every five minutes for doing such a great job on it. She at one point mentioned all of us going out to dinner together tonight but when I mention that on the drive home she says, “Well, I thought we’d be done later.” I told her that I was going to take the kids out anyway and to call if she changed her mind. As an aside, she told me her schedule for the weekend and it sounds like OM is not around, at least for now.
Dropped her off at her apt and said goodbye. So tell me, am I really such a bad guy for hoping that the minute we drive away that she is in tears regardless of the happy face she put on all afternoon? WAWs out there, is that what you gals did?
Who knows. She could be feeling cranky that you didn't read her mind and buy the cake, she could be relieved that the day is over and enjoying a hot bath, she could be getting tanked on cheap wine and pleased for the privacy to do so. If it's the later she'll definately be in tears by the end of the bottle - it's an occupational hazzard!!
One day at a time. You are doing great.
V
Never make someone a priority, who makes you an option.
W met us at church this morning and was a little snippy with me, even at church! She then called tonight and said that she and girlfriend just saw Wedding Crashers and that it was hilarious, “The kind of humor that you and I both like.” She then said, “Why don’t we get a babysitter this week, and we can go see it. I’ll see it again if you want to.” Hmm, I guess OM doesn’t have my sense of humor!!!
Funny you should ask, I asked if she went with her frineds last night like she said she was going to, NO. Perhaps your right, she might have sat around and got snokkered.
Oh, and I did say yes to the movie although I suggested Thursday. I have since looked at my calendar and see I have a meeting that night. I guess I will have to suggest, Friday. I hope I don't interfere with OM's plans.
Got to thinking about the term, "OM." I don't think I will use it anymore. A real " Man " does not fool around with another man's wife. I am thnking about OE for other entity. Any other suggestions?
