Argue as in me and my H -- didn't happen. We didn't argue at all. It was the most productive conversation we have had since this nightmare started. And it truly was a calm, respectful conversation in which we both really listened to each other. So nope, no argueing. It is possible to talk about difficult topics without getting upset and fighting.
Quote: And yet you see instigating the divorce as a crutch to do exactly that, make him end it w/her and come back.
No, it's not a crutch. It is a "you've been on the fence for 10 months now and it's time you grew a set and made a decision".
The reality is the marriage is over. I've already lost everything I would lose by divorcing. My best friend, my companion, my first love. What else do I stand to lose, maybe a little financial security -- but I have options for a very good earning potential and can manage a very similiar lifestyle as I do now.
Quote: But I also believe that if you are the one to initiate divorce that you are saying..."I'm done with you forever. I'm moving on."
I totally agree it says I'm moving on. And at this point in the game that needs to be said. As far as it saying "I'm done with you forever" -- I don't see it that way and according to our discussion, neither does he. I don't know if I can get my thought across here -- In the way I explained my feelings to him it is more of, "I'm done with the situation and I will no longer tolerate your actions".
It truly boils down to -- enough is enough. I will no longer allow him to do this to me. I don't see it as "brow-beating" him to to lose her and come home. His decision is totally up to him -- he can keep her, but he loses me. It may appear that I'm "threatening" him with this -- but that's not my goal. He has made multiple indications that he doesn't want to lose me -- well, the fact of the matter is, if things continue as they are, he is losing me. This is his window of opportunity to figure it out.
Quote: Most of that sounds harsh and I'm sorry, but I get the feeling that you feel there may be greener grass. If you get divorced you may find someone again and have kids. Will it be so easy after wanting to work on your marriage to start again with someone else and get to the having kids stage?
It's going to take quite some time for me to feel comfortable enough w/my H, that he is truly committed to me, before I bring children into this. And that is after he finally makes up his mind should he make up his mind to work on us. It could take him another year or more just to reach that point and I can't take that chance. As far as starting over w/someone else. It might be easier, it might not be. I can tell you that my H has alot more to prove to me to have faith in him again than someone new would have to do. (I don't take the mistakes of one man and say all men are that way).
I am hoping that he uses this window of opportunity to, as he says, "figure it all out". I totally admit that. If he is sincere in that he doesn't want a divorce and he doesn't want to lose me then this is his last chance to make that right. Otherwise, if he is just giving me alot of hot air then I am done and the marriage that hasn't been will be officially over.
