Thanks for you input. I do disagree with you as every sitch is different. My H says he wants to be with me, is upset to the point of crying when I mention divorce, tells me he knows what it is he needs to do, tells his Mother he doesn't want to lose me, blah, blah, blah. Ok then, he needs to make his choice. He can't have both of us and I'm no longer going to be disrespected this way. I in no uncertain terms told him that this is not what I want, but he was giving me no choice in the matter. That should he get himself straightened out and end it once and for all w/OW, then I will not further pursue the divorce. My H will not take action until he has too, that's just him. I am in no way trying to control him or manipulate him - I am just deciding that enough of this nonsense is enough.
We had a very long discussion on Sunday in which I told him I love him very much but I cannot make him come back, I cannot make him end it w/her, the only thing I can do is remove myself from the situation. I have my life, I have a career that has taken off, I am doing all the things I want to do, except have a family -- I will not allow him to take that opportunity away from me. There are already fertility issues that won't get better as I get older.
My H admits he wants the best of both worlds but also admits he knows he can't have that. I totally agree with you that this could push him to OW. And had I come to this decision as early as 2 months ago -- it very well may have. But he has admitted that he doesn't want a divorce, wants to come home and wants to work on us -- he just can't break it off with her. My feelings are -- sorry buddy, you can't have it both ways.
I know I'm taking quite a chance here. Ultimately I may not have to do -- I didn't tell him when I was going to make an appt but I did tell him that a lawyer I spoke to last winter told me a divorce could be final as early as November 2005. His reply to that was a tearful "I have some time then to figure everything out". I won't be calling for an appt until next week. Then it will probably be a few weeks before I can fit it into both my schedule and his. It may be unorthodox to do it this way, but I want both him and I to be present at the appt. No my lawyer talking to his lawyer -- we talk it out and should it come to it, let the lawyer handle the legalities.
Thank you for answering my question -- I really didn't know the role of a mediator thus the reason I asked.
